She Can Be *Infuriatingly* Pragmatic At Times….

I sensed my Lady’s presence at my side as I walked the dogs around the neighborhood. As we walked together, the subject of my upcoming Oath came up in our conversation.

“You shouldn’t buy [ceremonial item,]” She said to me.

“Huh?” I paused on my walk to give Her a moment of side eye. “We spent all that time picking colors! Do You not want me to take my Oath or…?”

“Oh no, I still want your Oath,” She replied as we resumed our walk around my neighborhood. “I want you to spend the money you had set aside for [the thing] and get some new clothes instead.”

“You’re certain?” I paused to let the dogs decide which way they wanted to go next.

“I am. You’ve had the same summer shirts for, what, four years now?” I felt Her touch on my shoulder. “Child, you can hear the construction a block away, you should go back home before it gets more disorienting.”

“Ugh, You’re right.” I turned my hearing aids down to the lowest volume possible. “Okay, let’s go back.”


That conversation with my Lady happened about two weeks ago. Much to Her amusement, and my side-eyeing, I found an online sale on the exact style of shirts I like later that day. Think $50 shirts for $10 level of sale. I then forgot about it (thanks ADHD brain), only to return to find a coupon for even *more* off…and a cute grey shirt with tiny sharks on it.

My Lady has a sea aspect, and gray is the main color I see Her wearing. I am giving Herself some massive side-eye over that shirt popping up in my suggested items. I did buy it, because it’s adorable. I have a particular outfit I wear when I want to feel especially close to Her in fall and winter, so I should have one for summer as well.

A friend of mine pointed out that this could be my Lady’s way of being affirming in my coming out as agender. I thought about it, asked Her, and She agreed with my friend’s assessment. Yay for Her being supportive!

*blows dust off blog*

Hey everyone,

I’ve been focusing so much on my fiction writing that my public writings have fallen behind. The spiritual side of my life is evolving to be much more quiet and entwined with my daily life. The most I do “actively” is to offer my morning coffee to whoever is around.

There’s a few online pagan groups I’ve joined, and that’s been feeding my need for more community in a way I had no idea I needed. It’s been really good to chat about stuff that I don’t feel comfortable talking about in public.

I’m not quite sure what to do with my pagan blogs, since I keep forgetting they’re even here? Like in the almost year I’ve been doing pop culture pagan stuff, that blog [link] has…maybe five posts?

So yeah, I’m not sure where to go with public pagan writing stuff.

I do want to keep writing here, I think. Just maybe not as often because fiction writing and job hunting (now that non-essential jobs are finally back open) put public pagan writing on the backburner.

*gender switch flips*

So, during quarantine I learned I’m agender? And that I prefer they/them pronouns.

I figured this out because of an “ugh, I wish I didn’t have to think about gender, can’t just just toss it out the window?” thoughts I’ve been having. Like I’ve been feeling so much more relaxed not having to think about gender or passing as one gender or another.

So…what to do now with transitioning can be summed up in *shrug emjoi*

There’s changes I know I want to make to my body down the road (i.e. I want top surgery some time in the future, because binding sucks) but overall I’m like ?????? at this change in identity.

So that’s my Quarantine Revelation, I guess?

Publication: Where The Heart Is

Some news from my writing blog!

Official Site of Varian Ross

I’m very pleased to announce that I have a poem “Where The Heart Is,” is Home: Hundred Word Horror by Ghost Orchid Press. Ghost Orchid Press [link] is a small indie press located in the UK, and Home is their debut anthology.

“Where The Heart Is” is an acrostic poem inspired by Edgar Allan Poe. Longtime readers of my work on places like my Patreon [link] will note that acrostic poetry is one of my favorite types to write. And where better to put a beating heart than under the floorboards?

Get Home HERE [Amazon link]

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Oathing Resources?

I’ve talked about this before, but I’ve been asked to take a formal Oath to the Queen of Darkness. Right now I’ve been doing the year Trial Run Version, which expires in May. Since a lot has changed in the past year, I want to re-write the more permanent version of the Oath.d

And there’s the problem I’m running into. I can’t find anything online about writing a devotional oath to a deity. All I’m finding are people screaming DON’T DO IT as loud as they can.

Are there any good resources on writing an Oath to a deity? Or will divination and Her input be a better thing to go with for guidelines? Any of my readers have ideas?

New Patreon Tier!

I’m posting this here because this blog has way more subscribers than my writing blog [link] does.

I added a new $3 a month tier to my Patreon [link]! The $1 tier gets early (and sometimes exclusive) access to writings, works in progress, and poetry. The new tier gets behind-the-scenes look at my work. This includes things like character sketches, comparison between drafts, artwork, and maybe some tarot readings as they relate to my writings.

The first post in that tier is going up on Patreon tomorrow! It’s a comparison of the drafts of “Luminous Bones,” a story I recently re-wrote. It’s a Patreon exclusive, so be sure to sign up if you want to see it! Plus you’ll get access to exclusive writings, and early access to writing before the rest of the world does!

A Check-In

Things have been quiet around here. I’ve been sensing my Beloveds around, but haven’t been doing much in the way of divination and spirit work. I maybe mentioned it here before, but my spirits have stopped telling me to dye my hair. When I asked why, I got a side-eye and told “there’s a pandemic in your world.” Which, I get, but I just wanted to double check that there wasn’t another reason for them not longer being like “hey, dye your hair.”

My Queen has been checking in more, but not for Big Astral Things. Rather, we’ve been knitting together and listening to The Magnus Archives. I even wrote a poem [link] on my blog for Her about how certain Entities remind me of Her.

That’s really about all that’s going on, spirit and astral wise.

2020 Killed My Laptop

Over on my writing blog, I wrote a sonnet [link] about how the past year has been awful in so many ways. Some good things happened (I met my platonic Here partner!) but this year mostly sucked.

Then, on December 31st, my laptop died.

I joke/complain that 2020 killed my laptop in an act of revenge for my poem. I know a broken computer is a very small thing to complain about given Everything Else Going on. But I’m a writer, and right now that’s my only job, so I really do *need* a computer!

I was told that I’d need to pay a good amount of money to fix my old laptop, since it was a 5 year old machine. I’d noticed that my screen reader was slow to start (I’m blind, and that’s Not Good) but when it started making this awful grinding noise, I knew my computer was done for.

So, I’m back now with a nice new laptop!