I have had enough of the broken Hearts
of nightmares, anxiety, and fear.
Please have things be slowing down
that the only drama I deal with is
my son’s band arguing over logo designs
I want the only chaos I deal with
to be Jake’s younger cousins deciding
to dye their hair, and turning the bathroom
into a riot of neon colors and laughter.
Things Over There are continuing to Not Slow Down, and this poem is my attempt to write out all my frustrations and worries.
What is the line between upheaval,
general Otherworld fuckery,
and my discernment being off?
My anxiety screams that being pushed away,
pushed back Here, is a test to make me go in
further–and yet that makes no rational sense.
Where is the line, when do things go from upheaval,
to my discernment being overblown and possible
manipulation–but surely if it was the last one–
I would be needed Right Away, it would be yet another
bullshit Chosen One line about saving Darkness–not
being pushed back Here and told to say Here
because my emotional health is fragile.
I would be drawn even deeper Over There,
not told to ground and hold on to my mortal Beloved.
I’ve sat in the City of Lights and let the ordinary people
flow around me, and yet I am somber as tragedy presses
down upon my mind–I have no role in this, but still it makes
my Heart ache, and the Far Ones are correct, that I am
burning up–burning out–again, but how do I not do that?
How do I keep my Heart from becoming nothing but ashes?
For the King of All Darkness; this began as my monthly offering of poetry to him, and as I wrote it turned into a reflection through his eyes on recent Otherworld events.
Animosity is what you are facing now,
for once you have become the Judge you
own your sentencing and decree of guilt.
Unlawful acts against your People–yes, even
newcomers others may despise–means a
death sentence (but even then, there is not
a lack of possibility of redemption.) There is
turmoil for your choice, for your Justice, for you
initiating the sweeping changes as you give the
orders to seek out the cracks in the foundations.
Never let injustice lie, you said to me, this was not
an act done in haste, on the spur of the moment.
Chaos, death, and tragedy was prevented, but your
Ruling faces potential cracks, dig deep but not from
stubbornness, dig into the foundations and see what
strife lurks beneath the surface. They will see you are now
reaching out to those who mourn, to those who have
untold grievances and sorrows. You will listen, and repair,
injustice is something you strive to fix, and that means
not even you are above reproach, and you are aware of that.
In response to WordPress’s daily prompt, and it’s also based off a conversation I had with Jake, about faith and anxiety.
Surely that was metaphor–you said;
all that talk of fire and breaking, of giving
everything even when you have nothing–
when you have been–run–ragged–by faith.
The look of horror on your face when I said–
no, this was no metaphor–this was–clay–and
a potter’s wheel–this was a life in ruins–and no
this wasn’t abnormal, I had grown up with this–
you held me as I talked about how my mind–screamed
at me–that I–could never–give–enough–that this–was
nothing–and would be–ripped–apart. You had no words
and–your silence–spoke–volumes–to your terror–of how
for so long I have–associated–faith–with uncompromising
and brutality and brokenness–and then it all–tumbled down–
and you were there–you saw the fall–and yet you’ve remained–
at my side–and sheltered me–beneath your silver wings.
They say the gods change you
no one ever told me that
it would also change
how I read fantasy novels;
that the weight of a Crown
would leave me yelling
at authors who think that Kings
have the most glamorous Job
full of riches and adoration.
(The look I’m getting as I type this,
from the King of All Darkness who’s
currently buried in paperwork.)
I recently ordered a new deck for Jake (not his actual name, but an easier-to-pronounce version.) The tarot deck he had originally asked for ended up not quite clicking with him, so he passed it on to the spirits I work with–who absolutely love it, so it’s found a good home. He wanted an oracle deck rather than tarot, and something with gentler themes and a softer color scheme.
After looking around and asking the Tumblr divination community for recommendations, we settled on the Inner Star Oracle. I ordered it, and the estimated shipping (from Australia) was at least two weeks.
The deck showed up in the mail yesterday.
Less than a week after I’d purchased it.
I’ve ordered stuff that has Meaning and have had it show up earlier than estimated, but that’s the fastest I’ve had anything arrive (considering the two week shipping time.)
I’ve had stuff like this happen before, but I’m still stunned.
This is in response to WordPress’s one word daily prompt.
According to the typical ideas, Darkness is stuck in time, ever frozen in the past and never able to move forward. It is frozen at when the High King took his throne, when his son had yet to step up and Rule the stars, when the Singing Halls did not echo with songs of prayer and devotion.
It would be stuck at a time before teleportation was perfected, and that would suck.
Darkness is a thriving, living Kingdom. The time of black cloaks has long passed, and it is not only the King and his Justice that has brought peace and prosperity, but all the ordinary people as well.