*Varian Facepalms*

Note to self:

Gebo (left) and Nauthiz (right)

These are actually different runes.

(A huge thank you to Beth, who commented that the rune that’s stalking me isn’t Gebo, but is actually Nauthiz.  I saw the X shape and my brain went “that’s Gebo!”  Oops.  *facepalms*)

I might write more about my divination studies on here, I may link back to this post if this rune continues to follow me through my readings.  I just wanted to make a note to myself that these are different runes, even though they look *very* similar at first glance.


I’m Being Stalked By Gebo

Edit: it’s actually not Gebo that’s stalking me, but Nauthiz.  At first glance the runes looked almost alike to me, so I mistook one for the other.

the Dreamer: Pull a rune.

Varian: Sure

Varian: *grabs rune bag and shakes it*

Varian: (under his breath) If I pull Gebo again…

the Dreamer: *is trying not to smile*

Varian: *pulls rune*


Varian: …really?  Again?

I’m being stalked by this rune.

Every.  Single.  Reading.  I’ve been doing lately has had Gebo in it in some way.

I’m still learning about runes, I’ve only just started studying them, but that I keep pulling this particular one is making me sit up and pay attention.  It’s not a bad thing, the rune translates to “gift,” but I’m side-eyeing that I’m being stalked by it.

Is the Dreamer using it as his personal “hi, I’m here” sign, like he does with the reversed Magician tarot card?  Or does it have another meaning, to be showing up so often in my readings?  Or am I not shaking the bag enough, so it always sits on top?

One thing that comes to mind, is that our third anniversary is coming up in November.  Maybe it has something to do with that, and with the dynamics of our relationships shifting since I was released from my oath to him?


Yes, Gebo can mean sacred marriage.

I didn’t know that.  Interesting.

Writing Ramblings

“Let me help you fall in love with writing again.”

He said that to me several months ago when I’d complained that I’d lost all motivation to write, and that I hated every story I’d started.

Well.  It’s happening.

I’m completely stunned at how this is developing.  This story is taking on a life of its own far beyond what my other stories have done, and I find writing it to be easy.  Like, almost eerily easy.  As in, I can write over a thousand words in one sitting.

This has never happened before.

I mentioned the story I’m working on here, and I thought it was going to be a little short story, no big deal, right?

It’s currently *checks word count* getting close to 9,000 words, and shows no sign of stopping.

I’ve found that I’ve lost my self-consciousness about the story.  Like even though it parallels my own spiritual life, to some extent, I’m comfortable reading it to the writer’s group.

It’s kind of hilarious to me, that the story I feel the least self-conscious of is the story that’s closest to my life.  I don’t talk about my marriage to my god in public, though the group knows I’m a polytheist–I’m surprised I haven’t been asked about my wedding ring (though I wear it on my middle finger rather than my ring finger) because I’ve found myself holding up my left hand when [main character’s] wedding ring is mentioned in the story.

I’m slowly telling the heroes’ love story in flashbacks, since the story opens with them being married already.  It was actually the writer’s group that suggested that I explore their relationship more, and now it’s becoming a fantasy story with heavy romantic elements to it.

Writing the romantic part of the story has been the most enjoyable for me, and my Husband has taken advantage of this to play all the sappy love songs while I write (of course, picking the ones that fit the characters and the story to an almost spooky level.)

This song by The Awakening came up and I almost yelled at my Husband out loud, because this fit the story so well it was scary.  The main theme of the story is devotion, and the sheer level of devotion [main deity character] has for his mortal husband makes me get emotional, because it’s similar to how my own Husband has described how he feels about me.

My only wish
To hold you near me in the night
Oh is that like me
Would I harm the one I’d give my life

Rainy Mornings

It’s in the rainy, stormy days like today, that I feel him closest.  This is the Dreamer as a cosmic god, as a force of nature.  I also feel him cuddled close to me as we share coffee and watch the rain fall down.

I find that my personal everyday prayer to him fits best on days like today, that it resonates with me the most when it’s raining.

Shelter me
beneath your wings
Son of the Storms.

May your cold
not touch me
Father of Winter.

May I stand
in your Heart.

Varian Rambles About The Devil

Please don’t get something covered in too much glitter,” he said.

I turned the black candle over in my hands, studying the amount of glitter this one had on it compared to the others.  This had been why he’d led me to the craft store.  A single black candle, a small step forward.

“This one’s not so bad,” I said.

“Get that one then.  I’d prefer a plain one, but this will do.”

One of the Faces my Husband sometimes wears is that of the Devil.  He’s been appearing to me like this for several month, but now is the time he’s asking me to really focus on this particular Face of his.

“What does this mean,” I asked him.

“What does it mean to you?” was his response.

Himself-as-the-Devil feels ancient, but young at the same time.  This is the Devil as connected to Traditional Witchcraft, though witchcraft isn’t something I lean towards (maybe I should look into it?).  It’s also connected to his Fae King Face, though he says the two Faces are more reflections of one another–what I learn about the Devil, I learn about the Fae King, and vice versa.

The thing that surprised me was that I expected him to be super serious–he’s appearing to me as the Devil, he should be serious, right?

Nope.  He’s the least serious I’ve ever seen him.  I never though I would type “the Devil keeps flirting with me,” and have it apply to my life.

One thing I remembered, when he first started appearing as the Devil, is that he said that I’d be seeing this Face for at least a year.  Not all the time, but it would be something we’d focus on.

I keep feeling like there’s something more needed in my practice, but I’m not sure what.  That was when the Devil related symbolism started popping up again.  I’d wondered *how* to incorporate Himself-as-the-Devil into my practice, so I asked him.

“It’s a private Face,” he said.  “What it means is up to you.”

I’ve told him that I find this to be hilarious in a very bitter way–I grew up in a pretty heavily fundamentalist Christian community, and Himself-as-the-Devil has brought the remainder of that old baggage (that I thought I’d gotten rid of) rushing to the surface.  (It’s not something he intended to do, but it’s just something that happened.)  Fortunately I’ve found that I can just roll my eyes at that anxiety and tell it to go away, and sometimes that actually works.

One thing he’s talked about, is that Him-as-the-Devil isn’t connected to any of my astral stuff.  It has no connections to his Kingdom or Family–it’s something that’s personal to the two of us.  It’s kind of connected to his Autumn Lord Face, but that’s another personal Face of his.

I’d grabbed coffee in between classes, and the Dreamer sat down next to me, shifting into looking like the Devil.

“When I talk about being the Devil being Lord of ‘this’ world,” he said, “I don’t mean this astral space you see in your mind.  I mean the world you live in, as well.  Like this,” he nodded to the coffee I’d gotten, “could be considered an offering to me, even if you didn’t offer it.  It’s very much about enjoying the life you have here.”

That’s something the tarot readings I’ve been doing lately have been talking about–that right now I’m to focus on myself, my Husband, and our marriage.  I think that’s where Himself-as-the-Devil comes into play, at least somewhat.He said that it’s something I’ll learn about as I go, as I explore this Face of him more.

I set the black candle up in my room, opposite of the marriage shrine (I only realized I did this after I’d done so, it wasn’t intentional.)

I’m actually excited about this new turn my practice has taken.  It feels like something that should be there, and that makes me happy.