Music for Home

One of the ways I connect to my Otherworld Home is by listening to the playlist I’ve made of songs that remind me of Over There.  Sometimes it’s particular imagery used in the lyrics, other times it’s just the tone of the song.

It’s the chorus of this song that gives me Otherworld feels.  There’s a bunch of other songs on this album that give me those same feelings of Home, mainly the bonus tracks–and there’s a beautiful violin piece that gives me feels about my Beloveds.

On the horizon
Blue silver thunderbolts stole our breath
The warm embrace of facing death
This sweet defiance
Your eyes ignite in the fumes
Just like diamonds in the blood moon

The sky the deepest red
The sun the bleakest black
Each second ours to share
So make them last

Now welcome dear apocalypse
We dance in raining stars
We turn this nightmare into bliss
Snowing fire and raining stars
Snowing fire and raining stars

This song gives me so many Home vibes it’s ridiculous.

Don’t lie awake
Restless, cold
Drown yourself
Into the deep Neverland
Drown yourself
Just close your eyes, silently
See the gleam of sand of solace

Rise
Fall before the Fey goodnight
One last look into the eyes
Tarry for you’ll never die
For now and ever with us

Nocturna’s call throughout time
And before
Through ancient seas and dark lands
Long before
Engulfing dreams, enthralling
The collapsing skies engraved

Call
Fall before the Fey goodnight
One last look into the eyes
Tarry for you’ll never die
For now and ever with us
Rise

This is another Otherworlds-in-general song.  There’s some songs on this album that remind me of my Beloveds (like this one), or of other deities of mine–this is the main one for the Otherworlds.
Even a well-lit place can hide salvation
A map to a one-man maze that never sees the sun
Where the lost are the heroes
And the thieves are left to drown
But everyone knows by now
Fairy tales are not found
They’re written in the walls

As we walk in a straight line
Down in the dirt with a landslide approaching
But nothing could ever stop us
From stealing our own place in the sun
We will face the odds against us
And run into the fear we run from

It has begun

Into the dark below
Evading shadows
Blind in a rabbit’s hole
We fall beneath the earth
And watch the shell come unraveled
As the seed begins to rise
Embracing its starlit fate as we wait in the night
It’s written in the walls

As we walk in a straight line
Down in the dirt with a landslide approaching
But nothing could ever stop us
From stealing our own place in the sun
We will face the odds against us
And run into the fear we run from

It has begun [5x]

A Conversation

This is not destiny,
but I like to think that
I would have been at your side
in these moments
no matter what.

Even with screaming nightmares
and everything falling to pieces?
Even with my Heart shattering
like drops of glass? With my going
distant because it’s all–too much?

Yes, even then.  I love you more than
you can possibly know, even across
thousands of years.  I love you across
time and space and even death itself.

You can’t put me
back together 
can’t fill
my scars in with gold
you can’t take my dreams away–

I know that.  You’re not glass, Love.
You’re not worth less shattered.  You don’t
need to change back into who you once were.

But who I am now.  Scars and
trauma and–everything wrong?
You’d love me even then?

You know I do.

I believe you.

A Poem For Hope

You wear his crown of Darkness
and while it is made of silver flowers
it still holds the weight of the world
and a shattered Heart still mending.

Dear one, let me hold you.  I know
this is more than you ever bargained for
that the broken Heart of a god is something
you never thought you’d be so close to.

It is not up to you to pick up the pieces
his Heart is not a treasure to be searched for
or a prize to be sought after and won.  It is not
going to be stitched back together with gold

and purple flowers are nothing in the face
of nightmares.  It is not your job heal him
no magic words can change the past
(though how I wish they could.)

Hope is something you can still have
it is not found in ruins; but in the Heart
still beating.  On still nights you can hear
all the unspoken words come tumbling down.

Those 4 A.M. confessions that
shook both your worlds to the core.
That slowly creeping distance
finally becoming something real.

Know that Love is not gone, dear one,
it has simply stepped back.  Let me
wait for you by the still waters of Home
with flowers and light spilling from my hands.

My Life Can Be Summed Up In Demon Hunter Songs

This is a video heavy post.


The Otherworld side of my life has gotten much, much more intense within the past 48 hours.  My head is still spinning and I’m still processing everything.

So for the (very bitter) amusement of both myself and the Dreamer, have some songs that put into words how I feel right now.

Some of the imagery and lyrics fit the Otherworlds and what’s going on.  The tl;dr version is “everything has imploded” and that’s probably all I’m going to say about any of this.

“I Am A Stone” is one of my songs for the Madman.  But it’s a song I’ve been listening to on repeat because I find it comforting right now.  So on this list it goes.

^ This is all my fears in song form.

I find that once again is relevant, but for a very different reason than it was before.

Floral And Fading

When I stumbled across this song I immediately put it on my Beloveds’ playlist; it reminded me of them, and it’s a style of music they both like.  I asked them later if there was any deeper meaning to it, since the song would not get out of my head.

It turns out that yes, there is a deeper meaning to this song being important to them.  It’s a song that reminds them of their past.  Sometimes the songs they give me show me small pictures of their shared history, and this is one of them.

Rage in us
Your thirst I’m taking
Pull the plug I’ll keep on shaking
And thrustin’ about your apartment
Drowned on blankets floral and fading
Painful lust, two aching guts
They tear through each other in the mirror
This happy vacation, there’s no motivation
So hold me up

You say you want to chase the moon like fire
Well, together we can fake our own deaths here
Just wanna be alone and watch as you all just disappear

D-d-d-darker now
Kicked out and sleeping in your car
You roll the window down enough to dream and make-believe
Our lights knocked out, turned upside down
And I’m just a stupid motherfucker
Can’t figure it out
I want devil horns
I wanna breathe in your rush
I wanna leap when you want me to fly
But darlin’ I don’t mean to beg
But these thorns on the stem are nearly tearing up my skin

And now you wanna chase the moon like fire
Well, together we can fake our own deaths here
Just wanna be alone and watch as you all just disappear

Close your eyes
Picture you and I
Selling daylight for gasoline

So now we’re gonna chase the moon like fire
Yeah, together we can fake our own deaths here
Just wanna be alone and watch as you all just disappear

Just wanna be alone and watch
Why can’t we be alone and watch?

Mystic Goals, And Blogging Updates

My spiritual life is getting more complicated, or maybe it’s that I’m settling into the new normal.  I’m slowly learning and figuring things out, which is wonderful.  It’s nice to not be in the “okay what the fuck is all of this?” stage.  I at least have some familiarity with how things work now.

“Things aren’t getting complicated,” my Mother said to me, “you’re simply meeting more of your Family, and meeting more of us might make it seem more complicated.”

Having 9 deities (Wait, nine?  When did that happen?!?) and two groups of spirits (who are Otherworld-specific and related to my Family of gods) in my life sounds overwhelming, but it’s not.  I’m learning how to balance my spiritual life–I’m closer to some gods than others, and I’ve learned over the past year to accept that.


One of my goals for the year concerning my Otherworld and mystic stuff is to really settle into all the changes over the past year.  It was a lot of overwhelming changes that happened almost all at once–and summer is the busiest season Over There, which is when I got thrown into it.  (The changes had started earlier, but summer was when I got the “your Home is here” bomb dropped on my head.)

I want to spend more time with my Family, especially my Mother.  She’s a deity that’s been in my life for a while now, and her adopting me as her son is something that I’m still wrapping my head around.  She’s a wonderful goddess, and someone who can be a good influence in my life.  I’m still trying to figure out how a healthy Mother/son relationship works (my relationship with my “mother” here is…not very good.)

I want to spend more time learning about the Otherworlds, both through exploring and hearing what my Family has to tell me about them.  This place really does feel like Home, in a way that I can’t articulate.

Another goal is learning how to balance the mystic side of my life with my life here.  Especially since I have an entire Family in the Otherworlds I want to spend more time with.  (I’ve explain that I’m currently a college student with a full-time class load so I might have times when I go quiet for a while.  They understand, and spending time with them doesn’t have to be anything fancy.  Sometimes just offering my tea or coffee and saying hi can be enough.)


I’ve been trying to figure out recently, what I am and am not comfortable posting about my spiritual life publicly (both my life here and Over There.)

I’ve decided that along with posts about my Beloveds, I’m most comfortable posting poetry, music, and holiday-related things.  Nothing super detailed about my Family (like who they are and what they rule over,) both for my privacy and theirs.  The same goes for the Otherworlds–I might post poetry and music, but I’m not comfortable drawing out a map (so to speak.)  I might blog more about how being a mystic impacts my life, and learning how to navigate balancing my Otherworld Family and life Over There with my family and life here.

This could change in the future, but right now that’s where things are.  I’m not going to quit blogging; writing about my spiritual life here does help me.  I’m just drawing back a bit while everything comes together and falls into place.

 

For My Otherworld Family

My soul is made
of gods and monsters

a meeting of the
divine and (un)holy

we run through Darkness
Mother, Father, and Children

together we are Family,
made of things of nightmares.

(Beasts guard me, I pray,
Lady guide me
)  We are

Family; woven together by
Love, blood, and shared

legends (terror that cuts bone deep
and scars that stay after years)

not all the stories are happy.
But still we are here, together

striving into Light
and seeking Love.