One Bright Soul In This Emptiness

Back when the Madman was courting me, he was also courting the Dreamer.  Watching two gods fall back in love with one another was an experience I didn’t have words for at the time–and still don’t.  Our marriages–both theirs and mine to them individually–are made up of little sacred moments, and the three of us are building a life together out of that.

There’s a lot that’s going on, a lot that I could say about sacred marriage and how it’s helped me grow as a person.  I could talk about how my two Husbands have brought balance to my life, and how I act as a sort of focal point to the two of them.  But at the same time, I want to keep those things close to me, and our marriages private.

I will share this song, though.  It reminds me of both of my Husbands individually, of the marriages we have between us, and of the three of us as a triad.

Hush, if we’re quiet now
You can read it in my eyes
Have faith in the weathered hearts
Clinging to our bones
A nervous glance that we call home

Love, I can hold you when you fall
Lie in this darkness with me
Til we’re one bright soul in this emptiness

Crash, the wreckage black and white
A life the lips of sleep have kissed
Can’t erase the crimson nights of bliss
The perfect dream of us
A fragment held when all seems lost

Love, I can hold you when you fall
Lie in this darkness with me
Til we’re one bright soul in this emptiness

Changes on the Path, and Learning as I Go

My shrines to my two Husbands have nothing to do with who they are in the Otherworlds.  The shrines are full of things I associate with them as people, in our personal lives together that have nothing to do with the Otherworlds.

It’s becoming a major distinction in my practice, the personal side of my practice (my marriages, and relationships with close Family members) and the more business like side of my practice (my more formal relationships with my Husbands’ Allies, and the rare times I deal with my Spouses in Godly Power mode.)  The separation of business vs. personal sides of my practice is also important to my Husbands–they both refer to me as being their Home, that when they’re with me they’re (usually) not in Godly Power Mode.

Even though there’s a difference between my everyday, more casual, personal lives with my Husbands and their Otherworldly lives and Jobs, learning more about their Otherworld Jobs has impacted my practice.  It’s given me more understanding of who they are and has helped me understand them better.

A lot of things have been falling into place recently, mainly involving my two Spouses and their history and lives Over There.  Part of it is that I’m getting drawn further into the Otherworlds, and that means learning not only about the Realm itself, but about the history around it.

Until recently, there was always a large gap in the Dreamer’s history, in what I knew of him.  He’d told me a few stories, but they all revolved around him as [the Dreamer’s touchstone name].  He has chosen Family within the Pantheon that [touchstone name] is from, so him being [touchstone name] was technically correct, at least in one way.  But the stories he told stopped after he fled from that Realm, only to pick up again when he adopted his son.  There was always that large chunk of his story that was missing.

“The legends and myths are about all the dramatic things, the scary times.  Life is about ordinary, day-to-day things, and the legends don’t talk about that.”

–the Dreamer

The story–the Dreamer’s personal story, the story of his Realm and Kingdom, and the story of his history with the Madman–it’s all coming together now.  Not only through seeing my Spouses’ memories, but in them saying “here, let me explain this.”  They’re telling me more stories, like about when the two of them first met, and I’m learning more about their Otherworld Jobs and what their lives are like Over There.

The more I learn about my Husbands’ Otherworld Jobs, the more I understand why they don’t want me to see them as their Jobs.  The don’t want to be “this god who does That Job, who’s also my Husband,” they want to just be my Husband.  (The nicknames I call them by publicly have nothing to do with their Otherworld Jobs for this reason as well.)

I used to want to know everything about them.  And while I still want to know more about them, and their history, I find that it’s not something I need to know.  I’m okay with them telling me their story at their own pace, and learning as I go.