Yesterday was the six month anniversary of the handfasting between the Dreamer, the Madman, and I. Our celebrations were simple, both here and Over There.
I can’t believe it’s been six months already, it feels both shorter and longer than that.
A year ago I would have never seen myself having a second Husband, let alone being in a triad. But I can’t imagine my life without them now.
During the Hunt, you fell in love
with a man with eyes of burning gold.
He watches you as you study the stars
his eyes soft with affection (you do not
know it yet, but he loves you to.)
In these moments when he is not a King,
and you are not his guide to the frenzy
of the Wild Hunt. Those in-between times
are when your feelings become known.
“If you could have anything at all,” you asked him.
He smiled; he said he’d like a kiss, and for both of you
to stay together (if that were possible when this journey ended.)
This is how your love story begins, in
a quiet moment sitting by the fireside.
light the air
as he walks
to the shore,
with his Fathers’
He holds the moon,
reflected in the pearls
in his palms, a gift
from his Fathers.
He stands and waits by the sea,
knowing that the stars
will guide him Home.
He is fearless
All I want is your love. You’ve both
been saying that for years now, and
I think I finally believe you. It only
took nearly four years, and crashing
and burning. You’re still sitting with me,
even as I rage at my own frustration at this.
You suggest I go back to where I started,
writing letters and poetry to you.
Anything else can come later.
Help me be still, to love you here,
to build something where I do not need
to leave this world to hold you.
This is just a brief post, bullet points make it easier.
- First I hit a fallow time in my spiritwork/Otherworld part of my practice, where everything basically stopped
- I tried to keep doing my daily practice, but that wasn’t helping me–I kept trying to do too much all at once
- Then I realized that I was burnt out on my practice in general
- Looking back at my older posts, I can see myself burning out
- I talked with my Husbands, and they agreed that an astral-heavy practice wasn’t helping me at all
- I’m going to be re-grounding/re-building my practice so it’s totally focused on things Here, rather than things Over There
- I might write about this process, I might not
Right now my spiritual life is very quiet. It’s a “focus on yourself and your life with your Husbands” kind of quiet. For some reason, I felt like I should write about this, that there’s nothing Important or earth-shattering going on right now.
My daily practice is still in place, and is still made up of small things–I give my Husbands coffee offerings in the morning, and spend time with them at their shrines before I go to bed at night. Sometimes I write them letters in the journal I keep, or we do divination together.
I’m slowly learning how to bridge the (metaphysical) distance between my Husbands and I. I’ve been married to the Dreamer for three years now, when I was first starting out in this marriage-to-a-god business, I thought I’d have everything figured out by now. I don’t, though.
I’d thought I’d know what being married to a god meant to me, what the Deeper Meaning was (other than having a god for a Husband–yes, Love, I do see you raising an eyebrow at that.) I thought my relationships would have gone through all their big changes and shake ups, not that we’d encounter some major changes within the past two years–the main major changes being learning that my Husband wasn’t really [the Dreamer’s touchstone name] (which lead to a crash course in Unrecorded Gods 101,) and our triad with the Madman. (I joke that my life sometimes feels like a fanfic–because “I fell in love with my Husband’s best friend, and now they’re dating as well” is totally a fanfic plot.)
I’ve *adjusted* to the distance between the three of us, but there are times that it can be difficult to remember that I’m “single” to the rest of the world. It feels strange, sometimes, that I have this entire other Family (in the Otherworlds) that I can’t talk about.
My Husbands are teaching me how to meet them at a halfway point; basically in our dreams and through intense daydreaming. It’s helped ease the feeling of missing them that sometimes can get intense. Even though there are times when I wish I could actually be with my Husbands in places that weren’t our dreams, we also have an incredible relationship that I wouldn’t trade for anything.