Admin Note

Due to mental health related things that are ongoing, I’m going to be setting my posts (except for this one) to private for a while.

While I really do *enjoy* writing about my spiritual life, at the moment having anything about it online is making me feel exposed, and incredibly vulnerable.

My email address is between.stars.unknown@gmail.com if anyone wants to stay in contact with me through that.

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Burnout Update

It’s been several weeks now, since I basically told everyone that I quit this whole spiritwork/Otherworld life business.  I recognize that I probably could have handled it a little better than I did, especially the whole “I can’t do this anymore” realization.

I haven’t quit my spiritual life entirely, though I’ve taken the shrine to our Family/the Otherworlds down.  I still have my shrine to my Husbands and our marriage(s) up, and I spend some time talking there before bed if I have the energy to do so.

I’ve been journaling a lot more, a mix of writing letters to my Husbands, and keeping track of my life and mental health.  I’ve been using prayer beads more when at the shrine; having something I can touch while talking to my Beloveds helps me stay grounded when talking with them.

So that’s just a brief update about what’s going on.

Reflections On A Year

My relationship with the Madman started a little over a year ago, even though we had met several times before.  There’s been a lot of changes in that year.

We first met three years ago because the Dreamer introduced us (he thought we’d make good friends) but we didn’t become close at the time.

We met again when my life fell apart, but again it was a brief meeting with a specific purpose in mind.

He finally took a place in my life last year, when the Dreamer revealed that he actually wasn’t [the Dreamer’s touchstone name], so I could get an outside perspective on it.

All I knew at the time was that the Dreamer had let this new deity into my life, who happened to be his best friend, and that he had some things to teach me.  I also knew he was calling me “dear one,” even though we had just met (I somehow completely forgot that we’d met several times before), and that I was getting overwhelming feelings of gentleness from him.

I can’t pin an exact date down for when our relationship started shifting, but it was around this time last year.  Somewhere in between me channeling poetry from him, and him listening to me vent to him about how upset I was about all the sudden changes in my life…somewhere along the line we became friends.

Drop like the needle
Today I felt the drain
I’ll climb back up to you
On ladders of the rain

Break them down, shake up their beliefs
I’ll show them, show them a believer
300,000 amps
And I’m your warm receiver

When they kill the lights
You’ll remain my conductor
And if they dare to drain your life
I’ll become your conductor

–AFI, “The Conductor”

I find that this song conveys a lot of things about the Madman and I’s relationship.

He’s been there for me through some of the roughest times of my life, offering support and love when I felt like I had no one else to turn to.  He was there while my spiritual life went through the many changes it did last year, and he has stayed by my side while my mental health’s become a battle.

It’s been a wonderful year, and here’s to many more. ❤