Negotiations Are Starting

I did some divination yesterday, and it made clear that it would be best if I bi-located during the handfasting ceremony, rather than it being only in the Otherworld.  My ability to remember astral travel is shaky at the best of times, so we’ve agreed that for something as important as our handfasting, it’s best that I bi-locate.

The divination also backed up previous readings stating that this handfasting is going to be a rather public ceremony, instead of a private elopement (which is what I did when I married the Dreamer and the Madman–we had been married in my past life, so it was more like a vow renewal ceremony than anything else.)

Now the negotiations are starting.

I had discussed mortal partners with the Dreamer and the Madman before.  We’d all agreed that if I ever met someone I wanted to have a relationship with, that they would be okay with me seeing someone else–and they are genuinely happy for J and I.  Neither of them wants me to be alone (especially with them both having Jobs that could lead to them being gone for long amounts of time) and my growing relationship with J is helping me stay grounded.

The first round of negotiations has been completed (out of four) and the next ones will happen between now and April.  We agreed to start now because we both know that the handfasting date will be here before we know it, so it’s best to work on negotiations at a pace where we don’t have to rush.


Bullet Points Are Easier

Updates, in bullet point format.

  • The Dreamer and the Madman have been away for over a month now, and it’s been…an adjustment.
    • I’ve interacted with them briefly during that time, but our conversations have been short and they can’t be around much.
    • I miss them both, but I also understand why they’re gone [which is personal to them, so I won’t say any more.]
    • I’m beginning to really understand why they’ve pushed independence so much over the time I’ve known them.
  • I recently learned (thanks to one of my Allies) that in my practice sharing drinks with someone is a potentially very intimate thing.
    • I didn’t notice it until [this Deity] pointed out that I only offered drinks to my Beloveds.
    • I’m unsure if this is me-as-a-person thing, or if this is a Darkness related thing.
  • My practice Here is (mostly) at a standstill again.
    • I’ve found that I’m okay with that.
  • J and I now have a date for our handfasting (April 7) as well as an officiant.
    • The next thing to work on will be our vows.
    • We also need to figure out just *how* public this ceremony will be.
    • We’ll also work out if this will be only in the astral, or will I be bi-locating and with the two ceremonies (one Here, one Over There) taking place simultaneously.

I Am Not You, “Father”

I am not
you, “father”

I did not inherent
an ego the size of
the fucking pyramids


concern of my “glory” and
the “greater good” over the
fragile Hearts of my Family.


I am better than that, I am
learning and growing into
my Crown of flowers and what it


I need no thorns, for I already
have inherited your cruelty only
you were cruel to others, never


You ego and your dread and your passivity
mixed, so that you killed me on a starless night
and you would have forced me down in to the


to drown, to repeat history so that everything would
stay just the way it always has.  Again you would have
heard my son scream in grief; to you the “greater good” is


Hearts made out of pottery and smashed to be repaired with
gold.  Claim my shining scars are yours, that evil must be
exposed with gold, not caring that paint is acidic and that scars


like the hellfire you threatened me with.  Claim that I have fallen
from your favor and grace all you want to, I am breaking the cycle
of abuse, and my wings may be reborn of magic and stone and ash

but my Heart
is made of Love.