My friend O. recently asked me about being a godspouse, and what it means to me; my response was longer than a simple WordPress comment, so I ended up making a separate post for it.
How do you interpret godspousery–is it domestic or magic-focused?
In my practice, being a godspouse simply means that I’m married to the Dreamer and the Madman. It doesn’t come with any particular roles attached to it–my sacred Kingship path is separate from my deity Beloveds, though they do support me and offer advice if I need it.
My relationships with my Beloveds are very domestic focused. I’ve written about this before, how both of them want me to focus on them as people, rather than who they are as gods. They both have referred to me as being their Home, that I’m someone in their lives where they can put their Crowns down and relax (which the Dreamer has talked about before.)
What are the differences between deity and spirit marriage?
The main difference is that Jake is able to be around a lot more. The Dreamer and the Madman are often really busy with Duties associated with keeping Darkness running smoothly. Their Jobs can take up a lot of their time, and both of them being Kings is something that impacts not only how much time we can spend together, but how they see the world as well.
What do you provide your spouses and what do they provide you?
The main thing I provide them with, as I wrote about above, is with companionship and love. I see their more personal sides, and I also provide balance for them, just as they help balance me.
What they provide for me is the same, companionship, friendship, and love. So many of our interactions are so ordinary that it’s difficult to describe being a godspouse in terms of a mystical experience.
What kind of offerings do you make a spouse, verses general deity worship?
I actually don’t worship any of my deities. I’ll occasionally write poetry to them or talk to them, and I keep a running eshrine, but worship isn’t something I do.
I keep a shrine to my Spouses together, which has their icons, prayer beads, a candle, and small items that remind me of them (or that remind them of each other.) This shrine is separate from my general Darkness shrine, and I tend to pray at my Spouses’ shrine more often. I don’t have a shrine for Jake, since he’s not a god or spirit, but he does have a small area on my bookshelf that’s his. That has his drinking glass (for formal offerings), prayer beads, his oracle deck, and a crystal that reminds me of him.
I share coffee with my Beloveds in the morning if they’re around (though Jake prefers tea over coffee.) Unless an offering of food is specifically requested, that’s the extent of my food and drink offerings in my practice.
Another thing I’ll do for my Beloveds is art, either of them or their family. Sometimes I’ll draw places Over There (lately I’ve been drawing different types of flowers that are native to Darkness) or use drawings to help process stuff that happened in the Otherworld. The Dreamer is an artist himself, so he’ll often sit with me and offer advice, or we’ll just work on art together.
How I view being a godspouse has changed a lot in the past four years.
It has impacted my spiritual path, quite a bit. It impacts who I can and cannot deal with Over There, as well as what kind of relationships I can have with deities from other Pantheons. It’s brought me closer to my Beloveds’ families; it’s taught me about chosen families, and about love in all its forms.
Being a godspouse has gone from something that I thought had to be really intense, to mostly being my Beloveds and I just spending time together (both as a couple/triad, and with our families) when our schedules permit it. Some really intense things have happened, but the majority of the time our relationship(s) are about supporting and loving one another.