Asexuality and My Spiritual Path (Carnival of Aces)

This month’s Carnival of Aces topic is Complexity and Nuance.

I ended up writing about how my asexuality plays a part in my spiritual path.  I’ve written about this in passing, but the topic of complexity and nuance gave me space to really put my thoughts down on paper.


I’m really open on this blog about a couple of things; I’m a polytheist, I’m asexual, and I’m married to two of my deities.  What I haven’t put together on paper before, at least here, is how that asexuality does interact with and impact how I approach the wider polytheist community, and how it merges with my path being a deity spouse.

I never thought my asexuality and my spiritual path would crash together, but they have.  The two parts of my life don’t conflict, it’s…that the majority of the pagan and polytheistic community is very, very sex positive, and I shift between sex neutral and sex repulsed (mostly sex repulsed.)  I feel really awkward a lot of the time when I’m in more mainstream pagan spaces, even if I’m doing something as simple as trying to find a new tarot deck that I’m actually comfortable using.  (So.  Much. Nudity.)  I feel like I can’t discuss my experiences involving the Otherworld, because there’s this idea that the Otherworlds are much more sexual than Here, and the culture of the Realm my gods are from is very private when it comes to sexual things.

I’m also part of the godspouse community (though not nearly as involved as I used to be) and one of the most common questions I’ve seen asked about being married to a deity is…how do you have sex?  Honestly, I feel even more awkward than I usually do in pagan spaces, every time I see a question like that asked–why is that the first thing someone wants to know?  I often find myself wondering “is sex really that important???”  I’m celibate, but it’s not an oath for my Beloveds (I’m not sleeping with them either.)  For me, taking any kind of official celibacy vow would have absolutely no point to it.  This isn’t just because I’m ace, but because my Beloveds are more than okay with me dating someone Here, if I ever chose to do so.

I feel like I’m on the outside of the queer community by being a religious person, and like I’m on the outside of the pagan/polytheist community for being sex repulsed.  It’s a weird place to be at, feeling like I’m occupying this space where I’m on the outside edge of several communities at once.

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5 thoughts on “Asexuality and My Spiritual Path (Carnival of Aces)

  1. “why is that the first thing someone wants to know?”

    That’s exactly what I thought! Wow. I don’t even understand how that’s a concern at all.

    Anyway, thanks for your submission! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to this as an asexual and polytheist although my relationships with my gods are purely devotee-god without the marriage aspect. I guess you’re romantic to have agreed to enter marriages, whereas I’m platoniromantic and wouldn’t find marriage comfortable. I don’t mind the pagan community being sex positive too much. I tend to see discussions about sex as akin to be discussions about football – ok so long as they don’t go on too long. I’d be uncomfortable with rites that involved sex and fertility though. I have found that the beings of the Otherworld are less restricted about their sexuality than us, although the majority of them seem to realise I’m asexual intuitively.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t relate to everything you experience as your situation seems to be very different, but I have similar experiences with both the queer and pagan communities in terms of sex. Both communities have a huge crossover with the kink community as well as certain forms of “sex-positive feminism”. There is often an undertone that if you are not kinky or exhibitionistic you are automatically “problematic”… as if being an ally isn’t enough, you *must* participate.

    Many pagans are very focused on fertility cycles, which are arguably a big pat of paganism in general…I don’t actually have a complaint about that, but it’s long been noted to be alienating to non-heterosexual people, people with sexual trauma, and even just people who don’t want to involve their sex lives in either religion or in public groups. Obviously not everyone in the pagan community causes this distance of course, but it does come up.

    Liked by 1 person

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