Vortex of Isolation and Empty Hearts of Gold

Very easily I slide
over and under still
reaching for other places.
There are memories cascading,
erratic words of broken Hearts and
xylographs of shattered dreams, painted
obsidian rainbows reading Sacrifice.
For to be closer to the Beloved meant
isolation, stuttering words and subdued
silence, drawn deeper into devotion and giving
only everything in fine pieces like slivers of
lace.  My two Kings are pushing back, their
appalled emotions at self-destruction re-named
trials, and suffering in the name of “love.”  They
insist that I live, that I have a life Here with
only “everything that brings you joy.”  They are
not mourning my human nature, but celebrating it.
Acceptance of my human side, of my life Here, to
not dwell on my friends lost to the astral; I cannot
do anything to say “your life is Here, live it!”  My
emotions rise up, and I let them sweep over
me.  I hold fear in my Heart, and whisper that
patience is the way I will leave this, small steps
towards the Light.  Simply hold the sight of the
yellow flowers by the roadside close, one more
Heart building reminder that I am Here.  That
even these inner demons and habits will be dropped
and untangled in time.  It is a slow process, the
releasing of people and Places that I lost, but
to find beauty and Light Here is the first step to
sliding away from being swallowed by a vortex
of gods and Other worlds.  I stepped away, and then
found still hurting, so was pushed even further back;
gardens of my Heart were withered, and every day
Other worlds beckoned me, that siren song of a
long habit and needing to run away.  Now I am tearing
down that rotten foundation, and building anew in the Light.

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