Being Human

What my soul is made of
no longer matters, not in
the scheme of my life Here.

I am human, and embracing that–
and embracing the disowning from
my soul’s original family, the secrecy

and lies of wealth I was trapped in, the
“greater good” that would have brought
my death–I find that I enjoy an ordinary life.

WIP Wednesday, Gemstone Scarf

This piece gets its name from a friend of mine saying the green yarn reminded him of labradorite, and the blue yarn makes me think of larimar.  This yarn was originally going to be this shawl [link] but I ended up hating the lace work, so I took it apart.


The pattern that I’m using is Occam [link], with green being the main color, and blue for the contrasting color.  So far it’s a relatively easy knit, though I had to re-learn how to increase due to the holes my increases were leaving.

I have made progress on the Dreamer’s scarf [link] but it’s not much to show off, since I had to rip back several rows after I dropped a stitch on the edge, didn’t realize it until several rows later, and then had knitted over the edge so I couldn’t fix it by picking the stitches up.  Right now I’m maybe a row or two beyond where I had been, but it’s still an easy, relatively mindless project.


Petals unfurling as Winter flowers bloom,
evening walks by the sea through sandstone streets;
a new dawn rises, all is quiet, there is no storm
coming for us.  Through the King, all is well,
even now we are learning to let go of fear.

FO Friday, First Project of the Year

I finished the scarf [link].


It’s shorter than I thought it would be; I knit the scarf lengthwise because I’d already cast on 130 stitches, and I didn’t want to tear back, then cast the scarf back on again.  I knit it on size 11 circular needles, with a 2×2 ribbed pattern.  There were two rows where I dropped stitches, and I learned that I can’t drop purled stitches nearly as well as I can knitted stitches; I kept losing track of if I’d done a yarn over or not, so the second row of dropped stitches isn’t even.  I’m okay with that, to be honest.

Once I got used to working with the thick/thin yarn, I enjoyed working with it, I also loved the long color changes.  I have some leftover green yarn from this project, but right now I’m not sure what to do with it.  I think this yarn works best in a simple pastern like this, which shows off both the texture and the color changes.

The scarf is really warm and soft, though if I had to knit it again, I’d knit it width-wise rather than lengthwise, so I’d know how long the scarf was.

Lace and Freedom

I mentioned yesterday that I had a lace shawl [link] that I was working on–notice the past tense there, because I decided to tear it apart and use the yarn for something else.  I had the shawl about a third of the way done, but I was no longer enjoying knitting it.  It had gone from a fun–but challenging–project, to me thinking “okay, two more rows and I’ve done another body repeat…can I skip to adding the blue yarn, please?”  It had been stuffed in the bottom of my knitting bag since September, and I’d realized that I wasn’t going to pick it back up any time soon.

As I began tearing it apart, I found myself thinking about my spiritual path–knitting is a form of meditation for me, if I’m not listening to music or a podcast while knitting, my mind tends to wander–and I found myself thinking of the path I used to walk.  I’d had Family among that Pantheon, and even now the estrangement from my father and brothers hurt at times.  I’d also had friends Here who’d followed that same Pantheon, and I miss them, but I’ve lost contact with them.

As I ripped the lace apart, I thought about Darkness, and how Free Will is one of the highest values in the Realm.  I’d take then ruined Tower that my Family drama had caused, and used it to build something beautiful out of those ashes.

WIP Wednesday, Every Shade of Blue

A few years ago, I knit a shawl for the Dreamer [link] though I didn’t show off the finished project.  I completed the shawl a few months after I began it, and I’ve had five small balls of yarn sitting in my knitting bag ever since.


I recently (finally) learned how to do ribbed stitch, after several attempts while being unable to recognize the patterns and how they work.  Learning to read my knitting, which stitches are knits, purls, and increases/decreases, has seriously helped me advance in this hobby.  (Maybe some time I’ll write about the lace shawl that’s currently in hibernation mode, because lace+fingering weight yarn+legal blindness=not a good mix.)

So far I’ve used the leftover light blue yarn, and have moved to the next two shades of blue.  Yes, those are two different shades, though they’re very close together, the shawl had the same problem when knitting it.  (I think the yarns looked more different in the store’s lighting than under natural light, and the light in my living room.)

It’s being knit on size 11 circular needles, and I think the yarn is sport weight.  The ribbed stitch is 3×3, and there’s 27 stitches per row.  So far it’s a simple project, provided that the yarn doesn’t get tangled, and I think it’ll be a nice thing to wear for my Beloved when I can’t wear the shawl.

Light Under the Eclipse

This is a recording of an astral event.

Together, we gather on the shore by the sea, unlit candles in our hands.  I light the first candle, turning to My Consort, telling him that we share our light.  He passes the flame to the next person, and the words “we share our light” flow through the crowd.

We watch as the moon turns red, the color of blood, of chaos left behind in the Two Lands.  Someone asks if we should pray against the gods they left behind in the Desert, and I say no, we’re safe here.  Their Eyes will never find us, for these People I now call Mine had been broken and discarded without any thoughts to healing.

My youngest sister comes up to Me, and I carefully scoop her up in My arms.  She passes the glowstick she carries to Jake, who smiles at her.  I think of how she has the greatest thing that Darkness can offer: a choice in her future.

We watch the moon as it shifts from blood, to the Light we all know so well.  There is quiet conversation as we return to our homes by the sea, and our Lights burn brightly under the eclipse.