I mentioned yesterday that I had a lace shawl [link] that I was working on–notice the past tense there, because I decided to tear it apart and use the yarn for something else. I had the shawl about a third of the way done, but I was no longer enjoying knitting it. It had gone from a fun–but challenging–project, to me thinking “okay, two more rows and I’ve done another body repeat…can I skip to adding the blue yarn, please?” It had been stuffed in the bottom of my knitting bag since September, and I’d realized that I wasn’t going to pick it back up any time soon.
As I began tearing it apart, I found myself thinking about my spiritual path–knitting is a form of meditation for me, if I’m not listening to music or a podcast while knitting, my mind tends to wander–and I found myself thinking of the path I used to walk. I’d had Family among that Pantheon, and even now the estrangement from my father and brothers hurt at times. I’d also had friends Here who’d followed that same Pantheon, and I miss them, but I’ve lost contact with them.
As I ripped the lace apart, I thought about Darkness, and how Free Will is one of the highest values in the Realm. I’d take then ruined Tower that my Family drama had caused, and used it to build something beautiful out of those ashes.