Today was the day we ran, you say to Me. It is the day we fled your Father, that King who was nothing but cruelty and his ego.
The Lantern is lit and laid at My feet. The white metal shimmers in the firelight, the candles flicker against the walls.
You are our King.
I pick up the Lantern and light the first candle, saying that we share our light. The iridescent flame flickers, turning the room into shimmering rainbows as the fire is passed from hand to hand. This action says that we are all equals; I may be King over this community, but we have all worked together to make this Home what it is.
With the recent move being a sort of new start, I asked if I should set up a more structured practice than what I had before. The cards I drew were a clear “yes,” and recent developments of the Queen stepping into my life Here helped to clarify that more structure is what I need right now.
This is what I have so far; it’s simple, but it’s also something that I can easily work into my days. My pill box with my psyche medication sits directly front and center in my shrine, so taking my medication is deliberately a part of the routine.
Light the lantern, prayer to Darkness, after breakfast make offering of either coffee or tea to my Beloveds (coffee for the deities, tea for Jake,) prayer to the Madman and take morning psyche medication, morning prayer to the Queen, turn off lantern
Light the lantern, prayer to Darkness, prayer to the Madman and take evening psyche medication, any other discussion/prayer to other deities I may have, evening prayer to the Queen, turn off lantern
The Queen–the Dreamer’s twin sister–has been in my life for a few years now, though I wouldn’t say we’re nearly as close as I am to her twin. I’ve dealt with her spirits, the Mothers of Sorrow, and the Beasts of Outer Darkness, off an on for a few years as well.
Yesterday, I was writing out some ideas on a more structured practice, and the idea of a prayer to the Queen came up. I did a reading with my People (the prayer was from them to her,) and they were more than happy to suggest I become her devotee.
I did a reading with the Dreamer, who gave me a few cards that said that my Officially becoming his twin sister’s devotee would be good for me, and possibly transformative. The reading I just finished with the Queen backed up what her twin said, and that my being her devotee is much more about improving my life Here, rather than anything astral related.
It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a nudge to become devoted to a deity, especially one I’ve known for years now. She’s not asking for any oaths, just that I continue to care for myself and heal.
I learned something today, and it means that part of my Otherworld woo has been confirmed as an Actual Royal Thing that happened, at least at one point in history.
It was weird enough when this happened when I worked with recorded deities. Since working with unrecorded deities (and an unrecorded Realm) it throws me for a loop even more to have parts of my practice confirmed by actual history Here on earth.
For the Underworld Lord, a reflection through his eyes on current Otherworld events
They say no one
holds a grudge like gods.
Ending life after life, in
quiet ways the Dead are
used and discarded.
I stand against this,
even if it means
taking my daughter
out of the sight of the public,
for she has not yet chosen
to be Royalty. I will never use
her as a bargaining chip in your
ever increasing damnation and
breaking of your subjects. My
roses must be tended to with
only gentle hands, and I
know you are a god of the broken–
even though you do the breaking, and nowhere in my Heart do I find that holy.
This song came up when I was listening to music this morning, and it struck a chord with me, pun fully intended. (I also can’t believe that End of Silence came out over 10 years ago–it was the album that got me into metal music.)
It’s still a beautiful song, especially the violins, but I find that it no longer resonates with my spiritual life as much as it once did. That was the theme that came up when I did this month of writing for my Spouse last year, that how I perceived devotion was shifting [link.] That shift is becoming more noticeable, at least to me. I’ve found that intentionally distancing myself from Intense Otherworld Stuff and the Vortex [link] has been the best thing for me to do. I’m finding that I worry less and less about what’s going on Over There, the calmer I feel Here. I don’t know if I’m heading for another fallow time over the Summer (it was quiet like this last year) or if this is just a normal downtime.
I think if I do end up in another fallow time over the Summer, that it’ll be easier than it was last year. Last year, I was still struggling with Otherworld related trauma, and my mental health symptoms got to the point that I needed to be hospitalized. Over the past year I’ve learned more about how to manage my symptoms, as well as learning more on how to live Here [link.]
I no longer feel like I’m lost between two worlds–I’m sure I’ll continue to have ups and downs–but for the most part, I feel comfortable in my life Here. My Spouse wants me to have “a complete life” Here, to have my feet planted firmly on the ground, for me to be able to find my way in this world.
In the Otherworlds, one of Jake’s monastery brothers made a knitting loom for me as a wedding present. I was looking up what the looms are like (and loom knitting had been recommended to me before) when I found one for a good price, thanks to the sale that was going on. The loom is adjustable, so it can be changed for any size of project I’d want to make on it, which is really cool.
The loom arrived two days before my and Jake’s wedding. After several YouTube videos, I got the basic e-wrap stitch learned, and I know how to purl on the loom as well. The part of loom knitting I struggled with at the beginning was the tension–I’m a tight knitter when I’m using traditional knitting needles, but loom knitting needs to be loose.
I cast on a blanket that I had the yarn for (which led to Jake’s dad making terrible “tying the knot” puns as I worked on the blanket) and so far I really like how it’s turning out. I’ve found that loom knitting really *can* be faster than needle knitting, as long as the tensionis right. If I was working on this blanket (105 stitches a row, in worsted weight yarn) on traditional knitting needles, I would be getting a row or two done a day–with my loom, I’ve gotten 24 rows done in three days.
Even when I first knew you as a god of death, even then you were gentle with me. You never ripped my Heart to pieces in order to expose the gaping wounds from my past–I do well enough of a job at that, as you have pointed out to me time and again.
You urge me to have a complete life Here, rather than living halfway between two worlds. You want me to have my feet firmly planted on the ground, in my life Here. You said I was correct, that a lack of astral travel doesn’t prevent me from communicating with you. I’m developing my own discernment system, and as things get clearer, I find that I am healing more and more, even if that healing is only in small amounts.
I guess healing is becoming the theme for this month, Beloved.
My practice as it stands right now is very simple. I offer my deity Beloveds my first cup of coffee in the morning, for the three of us to share. If either of them drop by during the day, we talk, and they keep me in the loop about what’s going on Over There. In the evening I’ll spend quiet time with whichever of my Beloved/s is around, simply enjoying each other’s company. If I have the time and/or spoons, I’ll do a quick shufflemancy reading before I go to bed (music has become my favorite style of divination.)
As I work to ground myself more in my life Here, and work out what’s a true Spiritual Thing, and what’s a reaction due to bad brain chemistry, isolation, and/or trauma, I’ve found that I’m beginning to feel better. That’s partly why I’ve been quiet, rather than writing for my Beloved every day–the other reason is that my family is moving soon, and my life is currently a chaotic mess of boxes and packing stuff up.
This isn’t shadow work–my Beloved isn’t the type to take my wounds and poke around at them, seeing how much they still hurt. He’s much more likely to suggest solutions, small ways that I can gently work on healing, rather than ripping off the bandages I’ve placed on my Heart.