This morning I pulled out the Queen’s tarot deck and did a reading with her. The spread is the A Question for the Deity spread [link] by Jeff at tarotwithjeff [link] on Instagram. The deck is the Raven’s Prophecy tarot.
It’s a more structured spread than I normally do, but it did help clarity what the process of becoming her devotee will mean for me. I won’t go into everything she and I discussed, but a lot of it involves letting go of old hurts, that shame towards being myself that goes all the way back to my childhood.
I look at what it is she’s set out for me to do, and it seems so minor, admitting and being comfortable with liking dark things (she cheered me on for not putting quotes around the word dark.) And yet, that fear and pain of having to hide everything I was/am interested in, that goes all the way back to when I was a kid; those are emotions I’ve been carrying around (and burying really deep) my whole life.
She says that shadow work isn’t quite the phrase she’d use to describe this, since she’s being rather gentle about the whole thing. Like my calling myself her devotee, it’s the closest I can get in English (which reminds me that I need to write a new evening prayer to her) but that astral language barrier is still there.
Now I’m going to go listen to some death metal, and if anyone asks, I’m going to actually say that I’m listening to Sisters of Suffocation, rather than lying and saying the music is on shuffle.