Throne of Sorrow

This is for a pop culture “deity” [in quotes because he dislikes being called that, but it’s the best term without explaining an entire huge book series] who’s recently come into my life.

Take the burdens of years,
harden your heart, until
regret swallows you.
Oh Blacked Winged Lord,
now is the quiet time in my Darkness,
even now things are fallow.
On dragon wings you fly,
forgetting not the past, but later
sacrificing all, so that your Dark could return.
One story, I was told, among many; one
road you walk, when your sword took your soul.
Rise with your world’s broken moon,
on a Throne of Sorrow you sit, resisting apathy
which you hope to take your people beyond.

New Starlight

For the King of All Darkness, a reflection on recent Otherworld events.

Now is the hour of the moon’s rising, of those
evanescent through time to be found.  This new
world once thought lost–you step forward to
sign your name, sign your greetings, sign your
thoughtfulness and understanding.  This world still
alive in the cracks between still shining stars, but the
reigning force is silence.  So your hands speak for you (the
language spoken has been lost) offering peace.  There
is wariness still, of your Crown, but you accept no offered
gold, for it will tarnish soon.  This action caused acceptance of your
honor, of your good standing.  There is still more to be done, but
time is slowly moving forward, and thus your Alliance is sealed.

Balancing Sight

I’ve been thinking about a card this god gave me in an outside reading, the two of Cups.  I have a feeling it’s connected to the Eye Thing I have going on, so I decided to write a poem to explore it.

“On my right, so I can see you.”
You say as we walk through
volcanoes and valleys.

“There’s a problem there,” I reply
holding up my own cane, “I’m blind
in my left eye.”  An unfortunate accident
at birth, a snapped retina that cannot be healed.

“Then we face each other,” you reply, “wasn’t that
what you wanted all along?  No lies or trickery, no
masking our agendas as the ‘greater good’.”

You’re a contradiction of a King, blind after the world
has ended, yet so young and not weighed down by
burdens of thousands of years of Ruling.  You spin
your cane as I think, allowing me silence, and for that

I am grateful.  There is pressure but it is all my own Heart,
all my own fear and rage and panic.  You’ve agreed to formality,
and that is enough to calm my irrational thoughts as they scream

that you are the Tower, that you will burn everything down;
you are not the Star–you are showing me that I still hold the Star
that the Evening Star is still in my trembling Heart, even after
all that has happened, you are showing that Hope still lives on.

Cultivating Joy, and Bullet Points on Healing

Cultivate joy is the main takeaway I’ve gotten from a tarot reading I did with [the new god in my life.]  I had been expecting an incredibly harsh reading, expecting the god to burn the remainder of my proverbial house down.  While he did give me a bunch of Wand cards, which are connected to fire, the things he told me I need to leave behind were all connected to Otherworld trauma, and my isolating myself because of that trauma.

The next thing I have to do is figure out how to put that into practice.

A card [this deity] gave me called me out on still waiting for more traumatic things to happen, and that waiting for more horrible things to happen was leading to me falling into stagnation, rather than actually healing.  J had said the same thing to me several days before that reading, that I was terrified with [new deity] approaching me.  He said that I was using that fear as a reason to stall on making any decision about working with [this new god], or about where my path would go next.

I’ll admit to being confused when [new deity] gave me this song during a reading I did with him.  It’s very much a worship song, and while [new deity] does want a formal relationship, he wants us to have a relationship as equals (as much as we can,) rather than as a god and a devotee.

It took listening to the song a few more times, before the point he was trying to get across sank in.  He was referencing my deity “father” and all the past year’s trauma, how deeply that had hurt me; my “father” had said I was “the only one” who could Do The Thing, and with being approached by a recorded god for the first time in over a year, I was terrified that [new deity] would only use me. 

This song was a way of [this new deity] reassuring me that not only was he aware of everything my “father” had put me through, but also telling me that my working with him (if I choose to do so) is going to be a team effort between us.

So, some bullet points of ideas on cultivating beauty, love, and joy, as well as actively working on healing

  • Write more, either poetry or short stories
  • Work on art, like drawing or knitting
  • Spend time with my f/Family and f/Friends, both Here and Over There
  • Spend time with my Otherworld Family that has nothing to do with devotion in a spiritual path sense

Reading With An Ally

I’ve been approached by a new deity, and he’s someone I greatly respect and admire.  He’s offered a formal relationship with me, and I wanted some clarification about *what* exactly he meant by “formal,” as well as some other things.

This reading’s under a cut because it’s just over 1,000 words long; I had questions, and he had answers.

Read More »