Changing Aspects Are Melting My Brain

I’m just writing to put words down on paper, and to maybe get some ideas from other people.  I’ve had brain melting stuff happen before–for fuck’s sake, I went from knowing my deities as recorded gods to unrecorded gods, so why is a shift in focus like this breaking my gods damned brain so much???

The change that’s going on in my practice right now is that the Queen–who I most often refer to as “Mother Death”–wants to drop the “death” part of that, and for me to focus on her as Mother, and as a goddess of Family and Home.

I have no idea why, but my Queen shifting aspects on me–even though I know at least part of the reason why–is brain breaking for me?

Tbh I’m just as baffled as to why I’m having brain melting feelings, as to the shift in aspect.  Maybe I should get an outside reading on this?

Research Help?

Today I did my full moon tarot reading, and got called out on focusing on the Queen as Death, and reminded that she’s also a goddess of family and home.  I should maybe be focusing on those aspects more than on Herself-as-Death.

On that subject, of focusing on my Queen’s other aspects–especially her as a Mother goddess, as a goddess of Family and Home–does anyone know of any sources on deities like that, that aren’t full of T/E/RF// bullshit?

I know she’s an unrecorded deity, but I have a feeling I should be looking for outside sources as well.

Winter’s Night 2019

I spent some time with my f/Family over in Darkness for Winter’s Night, which was this past Saturday (December 21st.) I had a family party to go to Here, so I couldn’t stay at that level of bi-location for very long, but I did enjoy getting to spend some time with my oldest son, who I hadn’t seen in a while.

Speaking of Winter’s Sovereign, he was the one who gave the speech this year, instead of the High King. That’s an entire Otherworld Political Thing that my Spouse has a lot of Feelings over–Winter’s Sovereign was crowned as the Future King [link] last Winter’s Night, but him giving the speech this year was a way of formalizing his role as Crown Prince/Future King.

I didn’t get to spend as much time There as I wanted to, but it was still really nice to see everyone and hang out with my f/Family, even if I did have to be in Formal King Mode for part of it.

That’s…A Lot of Coffee

So as I wrote about in my last post, I promised the Queen some fancy coffee, in exchange for her helping me through this final week at my job at call center hell.

Except…I think I overestimated how much coffee is in a pound of coffee.

It’s chocolate flavored, which surprised me that she selected that one. It is just sweet enough that I can tolerate drinking it black (which is how she likes her coffee, and I eat my offerings of food) though I think it tastes better with at least some milk and sugar in it.

I explained to her that I overestimated how much coffee there would be, and could it be expanded to be offerings for the Royal Family, instead of just her? She said that was fine, so it’s now my morning coffee offering for my deity Beloveds, as well as being for her.

I sent that picture to a friend of mine, who laughed and said “it looks like you’ll be working with her for a while.”

My Life Right Now

I also posted this over at my blog for the Queen [link.]

Me, before I became a polytheist: I’ve always been drawn to death related stuff, but have never explored it. I kind of want to, but it’s scary.

Me now, praying to Death: *slides a cup of black coffee her way* Okay Mom, idk why you like this stuff with no flavor, but help me get through this next week of my job, and I’ll buy you some special bitter bean juice of your choice.

*********

And upon promising her some special coffee of her choice for helping me get through my final week of my call center job from hell, her twin’s response was a blend of horror and laughter. He knows just how bitter she likes her coffee.

Life Update, and Side-eyeing Mother Death

Back in October, I finally got a job. It’s a call center job, which I hate.

I recently had an appointment with a specialist, because I’m having voice strain issues due to my job. Like, speaking can be physically difficult level of voice issues.

I also learned that I’m possibly having throat issues–issues that wouldn’t have been caught without that specialist appointment, due to vocal issues at my shitty job.

I’m side eyeing e/Everyone hardcore right now, especially Mother Death. Just. Is the coincidence, or is it A Thing???

Devotee Thoughts (II)

I did a reading this morning with the Queen, since she wanted to give me more information on my eventual Oath to her. She told me that the Oath is more about making her the center of my spiritual practice, since she’ll be the only deity I worship. (She’s not asking to be the only deity I worship, that’s just how things are working out.)

We’ve agreed to do a trial run of the Oath for a year before I Officially take it. So this Halloween I’ll give her a “trial run” version of the Oath, to see how it works for me, to show her that I can keep my word on this, and to be certain that I can keep up with my daily devotions to her.

I’ve been doing daily prayers for the Queen, one in the morning and one in the evening, since late May. Aside from a few days when I’ve been sick–I have a taboo [link] about doing anything spiritual when I’m ill–I’ve kept up with the prayers.

I do want to eventually buy a ring to signify the Oath. I’m not sure what kind of ring that will be, I want something I can wear every day, I do know that.