Feeling Like I’m Beginning Again

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m back at the very beginning of my path.  I know I’m not, really, because I’ve known the Queen for almost six years now–but that feeling of being at the start of a new journey lingers.  Except this time, I know about the gods, about their morals and values (rather than starting from the group up on research,) and this time it’s an unrecorded path and pantheon.

Part of the Queen’s faith is focused on creativity, so I’m getting back into writing.  I’ve been meaning to do that for a while now, and I’ve taken the story to the writer’s group when I’m stuck on it.  Which brings me to the other major thing that’s part of her faith–community, and more importantly, asking for help when I need it.

I’ve talked plenty of times before about how I struggle with isolation, as well as with asking for help.  I feel–at least right now–like I’m starting to do better on that.  I’m currently writing this at the library, both to get out of the house, as well as getting better wi-fi to work on my job hunt.

So far, walking the Queen’s path has been more about improving my life Here, which is just what I need right now.  My active devotional practice is simply the morning and evening prayers to her, along with the occasional coffee offering when she wants to do a larger divination session.  Even though I feel like I’m back at the beginning of my path, it feels like where I need to be.

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A New Path To Explore

Last night I sat down with the Queen, and she had me draw a few tarot cards about where she wants me to go next.  (For someone who’s in a fallow time, it’s busy around here with the Queen.)  She wants me to explore the path/faith (not sure what the right word is) in Darkness that’s dedicated to her, along with simply learning more about her.

I questioned this, because Summer is the annual fallow time in Darkness.  She reminded me that last Summer I worked with [a friend of the Dreamer’s], and it’s the Wild Hunt right now, which means that Summer is her time of year.

I’m currently waiting on some outside divination to confirm what I know of this path, to be certain that I have the details right.  This is part of becoming her Devotee–and Jake thinks it’ll be good for me, to have a specific path I follow.  That said, this is something that will take time.

Ending of the Newbie Devotee Challenge

Day 20 was a conversation with your deity, and what the Queen and I talked about felt much too personal to post online.  I’m posting two pieces today because the wi-fi has been off and on the past two days.

Day 21: How has your relationship with your deity changed over the course of this challenge? Has it stayed the same? Have the two of you gotten any closer? Are you pleased with the results?

I would say that the Queen and I have gotten closer as a result of the challenge.  We’re both happy with the results of the challenge, and I’m really glad I did it.

More Divination (Newbie Devotee Challenge)

Day 19: Set aside some quality time for you and your deity. Using a communication method of your choice, discuss the events of this challenge with them. Tell them why you took up this challenge. Ask for their opinion of all of the work you put into it.  Discuss their response.

[After checking that she’s available to talk]

What did you think of my doing the challenge overall?

King of Wands

She’s happy about it, and thinks that this has been a good way for me to take charge of my own devotional life.

I began this challenge to learn more about you, before becoming your devotee.

The Chariot (rev.)

I sensed a nod from her, and she’s reminding me that becoming her devotee is a slow process, like the growth of a tree.

Family (Newbie Devotee Challenge)

Day 18: More research! Today, research the deities that are either related to or close to your deity.

The King of All Darkness is her twin brother.  They’re not related through blood in the biological sense, but through a blood oath and rune magic.

The Lady of Grain and Sunlight is her adopted daughter.  She’s a dying-and-rising goddess that rules over the Wilds, and is very close to her mother.

The Great Tree is her Parent in the mythic sense.  Her actual origins are something I know very little about, though she commented that the accident [link] when I broke a branch off the Tree statue makes it looks like she’s coming from the tree.

The Far Ones are her Parents in truth, and the reasons They had for forming her are Theirs alone.

Offerings (Newbie Devotee Challenge)

Day 17: How did your deity respond to the different offerings you gave? Discuss their response.  

I pulled out the music divination to ask her about it.

Are you available to talk?

“Awakenings,” by Symphony X

Upbeat song, so yes.

What do you think of the offerings I’ve made for you with this challenge?

“Nothing Like the Rain,” by The Awakening

Upbeat song, so she likes them.  From the lyrics, I get the feeling that my healing work is the better offering, rather than anything I can put on her shrine.

Okay, I may draw you a picture once I find my sketch book.

“A New Dawn to Rise,” by Blutengel

Upbeat goth song, she likes the idea.

*********

I was squinting at the goth songs, since that’s her twin’s favorite style of music.  She then pointed out that that’s a style of music that brings me comfort, and that I feel the most like “myself” with.

How will their opinion of these offerings influence future offerings you make to them?

I’m going to do what I’ve been doing, my morning/evening prayers to her, and occasional offerings such as art or music as I feel drawn to do so.