Within these darkened woods you wait, oh Mother of Darkness. Queen of the Hunt, your arrows find all targets, and your knives take down all foes. Mother Death, be kind to me, and lead me on your shadowed path.
–for the Lady of the Gallows
I did a reading this morning with the Queen, since she wanted to give me more information on my eventual Oath to her. She told me that the Oath is more about making her the center of my spiritual practice, since she’ll be the only deity I worship. (She’s not asking to be the only deity I worship, that’s just how things are working out.)
We’ve agreed to do a trial run of the Oath for a year before I Officially take it. So this Halloween I’ll give her a “trial run” version of the Oath, to see how it works for me, to show her that I can keep my word on this, and to be certain that I can keep up with my daily devotions to her.
I’ve been doing daily prayers for the Queen, one in the morning and one in the evening, since late May. Aside from a few days when I’ve been sick–I have a taboo [link] about doing anything spiritual when I’m ill–I’ve kept up with the prayers.
I do want to eventually buy a ring to signify the Oath. I’m not sure what kind of ring that will be, I want something I can wear every day, I do know that.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m back at the very beginning of my path. I know I’m not, really, because I’ve known the Queen for almost six years now–but that feeling of being at the start of a new journey lingers. Except this time, I know about the gods, about their morals and values (rather than starting from the group up on research,) and this time it’s an unrecorded path and pantheon.
Part of the Queen’s faith is focused on creativity, so I’m getting back into writing. I’ve been meaning to do that for a while now, and I’ve taken the story to the writer’s group when I’m stuck on it. Which brings me to the other major thing that’s part of her faith–community, and more importantly, asking for help when I need it.
I’ve talked plenty of times before about how I struggle with isolation, as well as with asking for help. I feel–at least right now–like I’m starting to do better on that. I’m currently writing this at the library, both to get out of the house, as well as getting better wi-fi to work on my job hunt.
So far, walking the Queen’s path has been more about improving my life Here, which is just what I need right now. My active devotional practice is simply the morning and evening prayers to her, along with the occasional coffee offering when she wants to do a larger divination session. Even though I feel like I’m back at the beginning of my path, it feels like where I need to be.
Last night I sat down with the Queen, and she had me draw a few tarot cards about where she wants me to go next. (For someone who’s in a fallow time, it’s busy around here with the Queen.) She wants me to explore the path/faith (not sure what the right word is) in Darkness that’s dedicated to her, along with simply learning more about her.
I questioned this, because Summer is the annual fallow time in Darkness. She reminded me that last Summer I worked with [a friend of the Dreamer’s], and it’s the Wild Hunt right now, which means that Summer is her time of year.
I’m currently waiting on some outside divination to confirm what I know of this path, to be certain that I have the details right. This is part of becoming her Devotee–and Jake thinks it’ll be good for me, to have a specific path I follow. That said, this is something that will take time.
Day 20 was a conversation with your deity, and what the Queen and I talked about felt much too personal to post online. I’m posting two pieces today because the wi-fi has been off and on the past two days.
Day 21: How has your relationship with your deity changed over the course of this challenge? Has it stayed the same? Have the two of you gotten any closer? Are you pleased with the results?
I would say that the Queen and I have gotten closer as a result of the challenge. We’re both happy with the results of the challenge, and I’m really glad I did it.
Day 19: Set aside some quality time for you and your deity. Using a communication method of your choice, discuss the events of this challenge with them. Tell them why you took up this challenge. Ask for their opinion of all of the work you put into it. Discuss their response.
[After checking that she’s available to talk]
What did you think of my doing the challenge overall?
King of Wands
She’s happy about it, and thinks that this has been a good way for me to take charge of my own devotional life.
I began this challenge to learn more about you, before becoming your devotee.
The Chariot (rev.)
I sensed a nod from her, and she’s reminding me that becoming her devotee is a slow process, like the growth of a tree.