Life Changes

There is potential for something very beautiful happening in my Otherworld life within the next year.  It’s a major life change for all of our Family, but my Beloveds and I are looking forward to it.

I got some divination back recently that, for the most part, confirmed these future events.  The next day, I pulled out the oracle deck I use for the Far Ones, wanting some confirmation from Them about this.  They’re typically very blunt, so I figured They would be more than happy to confirm this.  Instead, the three cards I drew from Them gave an answer that I wasn’t expecting:

“Even We do not know the future in this regard; it is up to you and your Beloveds.”

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A Small Ritual

Yesterday, I felt pulled to do a small ritual for Darkness–something I hadn’t felt pulled to do in several months.  At first, I took my pill box off my shrine, but didn’t feel right lighting the lantern until I put it back on.  I guess that means that the pill box is part of my shrine now.

I did a brief tarot reading, and I was reassured that I’m on the right path in focusing on my life Here and letting Darkness run without me.  To be honest, I’ve needed the continuing quiet on my astral radar, but knowing everything is going well Over There is good.

I’ve started interpreting the Pentacle suit in tarot to be referencing things/people Here, as opposed to Over There, in my style of reading.  I got mostly pentacle cards in the reading I did, but swords showed up a few times.  I interpreted the sword cards as continuing to tell me to let go of the idea of a life filled with woo astral stuff, which has been a continuing theme both in my readings and with my Beloveds.

Overall, it was nice to do a small 15-minute ritual.  It was nice to hear from Darkness again, though I’ve relaxed into the overall quiet on my godphone/astral radar.

Reading With An Ally

I’ve been approached by a new deity, and he’s someone I greatly respect and admire.  He’s offered a formal relationship with me, and I wanted some clarification about *what* exactly he meant by “formal,” as well as some other things.

This reading’s under a cut because it’s just over 1,000 words long; I had questions, and he had answers.

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Engagement Reading

So J and I have been talking about doing a handfasting type of ceremony sometime in the Spring.  The handfasting would make our relationship “official,” as well as help some diplomacy related things relevant to Over There.  It’s also traditional in Darkness for a couple to do a handfasting as a way of being engaged for a year (or more) before taking any more permanent vows.

The subject of our pending engagement (we’re not considered “officially” engaged until we do the ceremony) came up again this morning over tea, so we did a reading about it together.  (My godphone has been having fantastically shitty reception lately, so J decided that tarot was the way to go.)

(Under the cut because this reading is nearly 800 words.)

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A Reading with the Monsters

I’ve gotten divination that’s pointed to the Monster spirits I work with being more active in my life in the coming year.  I’ve been getting more signs of them being around, and today they asked for a reading.


The first card, pulled with no question; the start of the conversation.

Card: 4 of Wands

This is a card about community and Home; that this is the first card they gave me indicates that they’re really stepping up in being involved in my life, not just being a ground of spirits I only acknowledge sometimes.

Okay, in what way?

Card: The Hermit

I heard one of them say “he has a star in his chest, Father.”  She was referencing the artwork, in which the Hermit has a star on what appears to be the back of his cloak, but could just as easily be over his Heart.

This card is normally about isolation and introspection, but in this case I’m getting a sense of it being more about moving on, moving forward, and following my own Light.

Is this Otherworld Me, or me-over-Here?  Reversed for Other Me, upright for me-over-Here.

They had me draw three cards; so it’s both Other Me and me-over-Here, with a bridge connecting them both.

Cards: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands (bridge card), Queen of Pentacles (rev)

I’ve been making some rapid changes in my “mundane” life recently (finishing another semester of college, coming out as trans, writing more) and that hard work is not just going to pay off Here, but it will also help me in my goals in my Otherworld life (which makes sense, since me-here and Me Over There are connected.)

All right, then, that makes sense.  Is there any particular reason why you’re stepping up *now*?

Card: 7 of Pentacles

My practice has gone through a difficult time; this [the Monsters stepping up] is something that can change my practice radically and give it more structure than its had in the past.  This group of spirits being more present can also help me work towards understanding Darkness more.

“Understanding Darkness more,” in what way do you mean?

Card: the Magician (rev.)

This card points to understanding who I am to Darkness; learning more about how I fit into this Realm, which will lead to learning more about Darkness in general.  That this card is reversed carries a warning; to not become so caught up in what I’m learning about the Otherworlds that I neglect my life Here.

(I asked if they had anything more to say, and got a “no.)

Pause and Breathe

I did another reading with the Angelarium oracle today.

Is there anything particular the Far Ones want me to focus on Here?

Lelie, Angel of Night

I keep looking at the waning moon in the background.  This card seems to say to let [Otherworld Me] do His duties Over There, and to focus on myself Here.  It seems to say that I should just let the strange dreams I’ve been having lately be just that, dreams.  If the dreams Mean anything, they will work themselves out.

Can You elaborate on that?

Shateiel, Angel of Silence

My practice has gone (mostly) silent, but They are still watching out for me.  Again, the card gives the feeling of rest, to be still and just let things be.

I feel like I should draw a third card…

Phanuel, Angel of Truth

This card is adding on to the other two.  It’s saying that information about my Otherworld self, practice (Here), and past lives will come to me as I need it.

These three cards together are saying that right now is a time to rest, and to ground myself Here, rather than trying to reach out to [Otherworld Me] and be constantly updated on what’s going on Over There.  Due to the Summer’s Drama, the past seven months have been so intense in the realm of Heartbreaking emotional bullshit that what I really need to do right now is to simply try and move on.  Which is easier said than done, but I get the message.

 

Angelarium Interview Spread

I did an interview spread with the Angelarium Oracle deck.  This is done intuitively, with meanings based on the artwork as well as the energy of the cards.

What is your most important characteristic?

Zadkiel, the Angel of Mercy

This angel is an imposing figure, but he feels…kind is not the right word; he feels stern.  That he is putting the sword away says he is choosing to be merciful.  But still, he feels wary.

My gaze keeps going back to the swirling clouds around the angel, and the open circle of sky behind their head.

These cards feel as though they are saying “not yet,” that they are guarding me from getting too lost in the Otherworlds, which is something I’ve struggled with before (and recently started struggling with again.)

The most important quality in this deck might be that it’s allowing me to reach out to the Otherworlds while firmly remaining Here, which is…odd, because I already have a tarot deck for Darkness.  Maybe it’s referring to the Far Ones specifically, since Their energy can get really overwhelming when I talk with Them.

What are your strengths as a deck?

Israfel, the Angel of Song

They feels calm.  They are holding a trumpet, they feel as though they are waiting for something, but that they are content to wait.

I think this is saying that the strength of the deck is holding many possible layers of meaning, for possibly very complex readings.  This card, and the emphasis of waiting I get in the vibes from this reading, confirms that feelings.

What are your limits?

Phanuel, the Angel of Truth

The fire the angel holds in what leaps out at me.  The angel is fixated on the fire, and not looking at the clouds around them.

To me this says that this deck will tell me the truth, but that it might be too blunt and straightforward.  With the angel focusing so intently on the fire, and not on the shadows around them, it makes me think that it might also help me in the Immediate Big Problems, but I might fail to notice the small signs leading up to Other Problems.

What are you here to help me with?

Chesed, the Right Hand, Empathy

This angel is surrounded by light.  They are removing their cloak, which blends in with the mountains, to gather the light even closer to them.

(Here comes the Deeply Personal Symbolism….)

Light is a Thing in my path, specifically Love-as-Light is a Major Thing.  This card makes me think of that, and of my Beloveds.  Which is…interesting timing, since both of my Husbands are away right now.

Maybe it’s saying that this deck will help me on the part of my path that my Beloveds are not involved in (sacred Kingship) and in helping me balance my private life with my Beloveds with my Otherworld Business and Kingship path.

How can I best learn from you?

Remph, Angel of Time (rev.)

This angel at first glance looks like they are almost made of bone.  They have been stripped bare by time (and waiting) yet fire still burns in their mind.

This card was the only one that fell reversed, which could just be my shuffling, but I think it’s saying that I can best learn from this deck by being patient with it.

What is the potential outcome of our relationship?

Simikiel, the Angel of Vengeance

The chills I got when I flipped this card over.

I stared at it for a long time, then double-checked the book to be sure I was reading it right–vengeance????  How could that be a possible outcome of my relationship with a deck of cards?

I had to study the artwork for a while, before the actual meaning of my drawing this card for the outcome position clicked.

What appears to be blood might in fact be red ribbons on the angel’s hand, and at the base of their sword.

This card has feelings of questioning, uncertainty, and loneliness about it.

I believe this is referencing the past Otherworld Drama, and one relationship in particular that fell apart.  Lately I’ve been struggling with no longer having [that deity] in my life, and my feelings are a mix of sorrow and deep anger–a how-could-you-do-this/I-want-to-break-things level of anger.

This card is telling me that this deck may eventually–hopefully–help me move on from what happened.  It’s not telling me to forgive and reconcile with [deity]–I drew the card of vengeance–but it’s not telling me to seek revenge either.

It’s saying that some day I may be able to think of things related to [deity] and not want to smash things.  It’s saying that moving on is a process.  I might feel hollow and lost now, but I will be able to move on from that loss, given time.


That was not the reading I expected.

It was far deeper and more complex than I first thought it would be, and took more time to figure out the meanings.  I think it’s going to take some time to learn how this particular deck works, and what kind of readings I should do with it.

I was a bit taken aback by [deity relationship that fell apart] being brought up in what was essentially an introduction reading, but overall I’m very pleased with this reading.