A Reading with the Monsters

I’ve gotten divination that’s pointed to the Monster spirits I work with being more active in my life in the coming year.  I’ve been getting more signs of them being around, and today they asked for a reading.


The first card, pulled with no question; the start of the conversation.

Card: 4 of Wands

This is a card about community and Home; that this is the first card they gave me indicates that they’re really stepping up in being involved in my life, not just being a ground of spirits I only acknowledge sometimes.

Okay, in what way?

Card: The Hermit

I heard one of them say “he has a star in his chest, Father.”  She was referencing the artwork, in which the Hermit has a star on what appears to be the back of his cloak, but could just as easily be over his Heart.

This card is normally about isolation and introspection, but in this case I’m getting a sense of it being more about moving on, moving forward, and following my own Light.

Is this Otherworld Me, or me-over-Here?  Reversed for Other Me, upright for me-over-Here.

They had me draw three cards; so it’s both Other Me and me-over-Here, with a bridge connecting them both.

Cards: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands (bridge card), Queen of Pentacles (rev)

I’ve been making some rapid changes in my “mundane” life recently (finishing another semester of college, coming out as trans, writing more) and that hard work is not just going to pay off Here, but it will also help me in my goals in my Otherworld life (which makes sense, since me-here and Me Over There are connected.)

All right, then, that makes sense.  Is there any particular reason why you’re stepping up *now*?

Card: 7 of Pentacles

My practice has gone through a difficult time; this [the Monsters stepping up] is something that can change my practice radically and give it more structure than its had in the past.  This group of spirits being more present can also help me work towards understanding Darkness more.

“Understanding Darkness more,” in what way do you mean?

Card: the Magician (rev.)

This card points to understanding who I am to Darkness; learning more about how I fit into this Realm, which will lead to learning more about Darkness in general.  That this card is reversed carries a warning; to not become so caught up in what I’m learning about the Otherworlds that I neglect my life Here.

(I asked if they had anything more to say, and got a “no.)

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Pause and Breathe

I did another reading with the Angelarium oracle today.

Is there anything particular the Far Ones want me to focus on Here?

Lelie, Angel of Night

I keep looking at the waning moon in the background.  This card seems to say to let [Otherworld Me] do His duties Over There, and to focus on myself Here.  It seems to say that I should just let the strange dreams I’ve been having lately be just that, dreams.  If the dreams Mean anything, they will work themselves out.

Can You elaborate on that?

Shateiel, Angel of Silence

My practice has gone (mostly) silent, but They are still watching out for me.  Again, the card gives the feeling of rest, to be still and just let things be.

I feel like I should draw a third card…

Phanuel, Angel of Truth

This card is adding on to the other two.  It’s saying that information about my Otherworld self, practice (Here), and past lives will come to me as I need it.

These three cards together are saying that right now is a time to rest, and to ground myself Here, rather than trying to reach out to [Otherworld Me] and be constantly updated on what’s going on Over There.  Due to the Summer’s Drama, the past seven months have been so intense in the realm of Heartbreaking emotional bullshit that what I really need to do right now is to simply try and move on.  Which is easier said than done, but I get the message.

 

Angelarium Interview Spread

I did an interview spread with the Angelarium Oracle deck.  This is done intuitively, with meanings based on the artwork as well as the energy of the cards.

What is your most important characteristic?

Zadkiel, the Angel of Mercy

This angel is an imposing figure, but he feels…kind is not the right word; he feels stern.  That he is putting the sword away says he is choosing to be merciful.  But still, he feels wary.

My gaze keeps going back to the swirling clouds around the angel, and the open circle of sky behind their head.

These cards feel as though they are saying “not yet,” that they are guarding me from getting too lost in the Otherworlds, which is something I’ve struggled with before (and recently started struggling with again.)

The most important quality in this deck might be that it’s allowing me to reach out to the Otherworlds while firmly remaining Here, which is…odd, because I already have a tarot deck for Darkness.  Maybe it’s referring to the Far Ones specifically, since Their energy can get really overwhelming when I talk with Them.

What are your strengths as a deck?

Israfel, the Angel of Song

They feels calm.  They are holding a trumpet, they feel as though they are waiting for something, but that they are content to wait.

I think this is saying that the strength of the deck is holding many possible layers of meaning, for possibly very complex readings.  This card, and the emphasis of waiting I get in the vibes from this reading, confirms that feelings.

What are your limits?

Phanuel, the Angel of Truth

The fire the angel holds in what leaps out at me.  The angel is fixated on the fire, and not looking at the clouds around them.

To me this says that this deck will tell me the truth, but that it might be too blunt and straightforward.  With the angel focusing so intently on the fire, and not on the shadows around them, it makes me think that it might also help me in the Immediate Big Problems, but I might fail to notice the small signs leading up to Other Problems.

What are you here to help me with?

Chesed, the Right Hand, Empathy

This angel is surrounded by light.  They are removing their cloak, which blends in with the mountains, to gather the light even closer to them.

(Here comes the Deeply Personal Symbolism….)

Light is a Thing in my path, specifically Love-as-Light is a Major Thing.  This card makes me think of that, and of my Beloveds.  Which is…interesting timing, since both of my Husbands are away right now.

Maybe it’s saying that this deck will help me on the part of my path that my Beloveds are not involved in (sacred Kingship) and in helping me balance my private life with my Beloveds with my Otherworld Business and Kingship path.

How can I best learn from you?

Remph, Angel of Time (rev.)

This angel at first glance looks like they are almost made of bone.  They have been stripped bare by time (and waiting) yet fire still burns in their mind.

This card was the only one that fell reversed, which could just be my shuffling, but I think it’s saying that I can best learn from this deck by being patient with it.

What is the potential outcome of our relationship?

Simikiel, the Angel of Vengeance

The chills I got when I flipped this card over.

I stared at it for a long time, then double-checked the book to be sure I was reading it right–vengeance????  How could that be a possible outcome of my relationship with a deck of cards?

I had to study the artwork for a while, before the actual meaning of my drawing this card for the outcome position clicked.

What appears to be blood might in fact be red ribbons on the angel’s hand, and at the base of their sword.

This card has feelings of questioning, uncertainty, and loneliness about it.

I believe this is referencing the past Otherworld Drama, and one relationship in particular that fell apart.  Lately I’ve been struggling with no longer having [that deity] in my life, and my feelings are a mix of sorrow and deep anger–a how-could-you-do-this/I-want-to-break-things level of anger.

This card is telling me that this deck may eventually–hopefully–help me move on from what happened.  It’s not telling me to forgive and reconcile with [deity]–I drew the card of vengeance–but it’s not telling me to seek revenge either.

It’s saying that some day I may be able to think of things related to [deity] and not want to smash things.  It’s saying that moving on is a process.  I might feel hollow and lost now, but I will be able to move on from that loss, given time.


That was not the reading I expected.

It was far deeper and more complex than I first thought it would be, and took more time to figure out the meanings.  I think it’s going to take some time to learn how this particular deck works, and what kind of readings I should do with it.

I was a bit taken aback by [deity relationship that fell apart] being brought up in what was essentially an introduction reading, but overall I’m very pleased with this reading.

New Decks

I got two new decks yesterday, the Angelarium Oracle and the Spirit Speak tarot deck.

J asked if he could have the tarot deck, since he liked the simple design, and he wanted one that was exclusively his.  I said sure, and it’s next to his prayer beads on my dresser now (since J is not a god or spirit, he doesn’t have a shrine; I don’t pray to him, the beads are more like a touchstone for us to stay connected.)

The Angelarium is going to be…interesting.

The moment I held the Angelarium deck in my hands, I felt my hands tingling very strongly and energy surrounding me.

I knew exactly Who wanted that one, and this really surprised me, because the Far Ones hadn’t put any sort of claim on the Silhouette tarot (the deck I use to communicate with the gods and people of Darkness.)  But They really wanted this oracle deck to be used to communicate with Them, to the point that They had me find a box to hold both decks together–I got the impression that the box was also to help cut off the nearly overwhelmig energy I got from the oracle deck.

Then I saw that the box They’d picked was star themed, which led to a lot of “are You kidding me” comments under my breath as I rearranged the shrine.

I haven’t done any successful readings with the Angelarium deck yet, but I plan on trying to do an interview spread with it soon (probably using the Silhouette tarot to help me with the interview, because I have no idea how to read the Angelarium cards.)

Even if the Angelarium ends up being difficult to read, the art is amazing, so I think I’ll still like it even if I can’t read with it.

I did try and do a reading with the Angelarium, and…instead of answering my question, the Far Ones pointed me to a pop culture character who is very similar to J.  That was…a strange experience, having the Big Powers start referencing a specific character from a fantasy series in order to confirm my discernment about my Otherworld boyfriend.

What is my life.

Raining Stars

I am the King of Swords, clad in purple.  I am surrounded by fire and by those Who will still protect and Love me.  In trying to twist Fate and make the Far Ones bend to your whims, you have set everything on fire.

In my mind, I hear the sound of snakes slithering on snow.

A Reading

When I do a tarot reading with my Beloveds, I read the cards like a story (unless they say otherwise) with the cards I draw building on each other to create meaning.  I use both traditional tarot meanings, and intuition, to interpret the cards.


The three of us sit around the table, my morning offerings of coffee in hand, and a deck of tarot cards spread out before us.

The Hanged Man, III of Cups

The cards tell us to seek peace with one another.  They also warn that peace will not be found in sacrifice and grand gestures, but in honestly supporting one another.

VIII of Cups, IX of Pentacles

This only drives the point home that the first cards made, to be honest and open with one another.  The cards say that admitting where we went wrong and knowing when we’ve made a mistake is a needed skill to have in a marriage, especially in rough times like we’re facing now.

X of Wands, Page of Wands

These cards speak of my fear that I’ve ruined my marriages, of all my anxieties and broken feelings that have come rushing to the surface lately.  The cards speak of my feelings like I need to be more to my Husbands, and one my of Beloveds reminds me that I had been miserable, and had created distance between us, the last time I tried to force myself to be someone I’m not in our marriage.

My other Beloved says that if I need the three of us to simply be close friends who are married, rather than romantic partners, that he’s fine with that (the other god is nodding in agreement; they had agreed that a shift like that was needed, for all of us.)  He reminds me that there is not a hierarchy between friendship and romantic love, and that they both still love and care for me deeply.

QP Relationship Reading

This is one of the tarot spreads the Dreamer taught me.  It’s a three cards spread; cards one and two are for me and [whoever I’m reading about], and the third card is for the relationship overall.  I usually do this spread for deity relationships, since I’m not very comfortable doing tarot readings about other people in my life without their knowledge.

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The Madman asked me to do a three-card relationship reading for us, using the Wild Unknown deck he’d claimed for divination purposes.

(And yes, these were initially all reversed again.  I’ve decided that all reversed tarot cards are his “yes I really am here for divination” sign.)

His card: 6 of Pentacles

My interpretation: This card speaks of generosity, of gifts yet to be given (which fits in with my last post.)  He does not give me gifts because he seeks my gratitude or worship–neither of my Beloveds wants to be my god to me–but simply because he loves me.  That the flowers on this card are not yet in bloom speaks of gifts that are still to be given, or plans that are coming to fruition.

My card: 2 of Pentacles

My interpretation: I’m learning to balance two rather intense deity relationships, though both are intense in different ways.  My two Beloveds bring balance to my life, just as I act as a focal point for them.

Our relationship: 10 of Wands

My interpretation: I’ve already accomplished much in my relationship with this Beloved of mine.  It’s nothing flashy or glamorous, and that’s okay.  He doesn’t want our relationship to be full of hard Work, or anything I’m reluctant to be in, simply that we love one another (and the Dreamer as well.)