Day 19: Set aside some quality time for you and your deity. Using a communication method of your choice, discuss the events of this challenge with them. Tell them why you took up this challenge. Ask for their opinion of all of the work you put into it. Discuss their response.
[After checking that she’s available to talk]
What did you think of my doing the challenge overall?
King of Wands
She’s happy about it, and thinks that this has been a good way for me to take charge of my own devotional life.
I began this challenge to learn more about you, before becoming your devotee.
The Chariot (rev.)
I sensed a nod from her, and she’s reminding me that becoming her devotee is a slow process, like the growth of a tree.
This morning I pulled out the Queen’s tarot deck and did a reading with her. The spread is the A Question for the Deity spread [link] by Jeff at tarotwithjeff [link] on Instagram. The deck is the Raven’s Prophecy tarot.
It’s a more structured spread than I normally do, but it did help clarity what the process of becoming her devotee will mean for me. I won’t go into everything she and I discussed, but a lot of it involves letting go of old hurts, that shame towards being myself that goes all the way back to my childhood.
I look at what it is she’s set out for me to do, and it seems so minor, admitting and being comfortable with liking dark things (she cheered me on for not putting quotes around the word dark.) And yet, that fear and pain of having to hide everything I was/am interested in, that goes all the way back to when I was a kid; those are emotions I’ve been carrying around (and burying really deep) my whole life.
She says that shadow work isn’t quite the phrase she’d use to describe this, since she’s being rather gentle about the whole thing. Like my calling myself her devotee, it’s the closest I can get in English (which reminds me that I need to write a new evening prayer to her) but that astral language barrier is still there.
Now I’m going to go listen to some death metal, and if anyone asks, I’m going to actually say that I’m listening to Sisters of Suffocation, rather than lying and saying the music is on shuffle.
I bought this deck from PixelOccult’s Etsy [link] in early December, and this has quickly become my go-to deck. It’s become my mental health deck, and I do readings with it when I either need to check in, or when my symptoms start flaring up.
I love the art style, it’s adorable while still being slightly ominous in certain cards. I especially love that there’s very little nudity (and what nudity there is, it’s artistic and something I’m comfortable with.)
Each suite is color coded, but the colors are muted and dark. It’s a somber feeling deck, but I wouldn’t describe it as being “dark” in tone.
The deck shuffle easily, and it’s held up well over the four months that I’ve been using it. It comes in a very nice ridged box, which I really like. My one complaint is that the text in the guidebook is really small, but I love that the author included reversed meanings in the book, not just the upright meanings. Overall I’d highly recommend this deck.
What I was going to do: a tarot reading to check in and see how things are going in the Otherworld
What I got: told that I’m seen as totally human Here, and to stop certain habits that help supply my anxiety that everything is going to blow up in my face
Right now I’m at a point in my spiritual life where nothing major is going on, and for some reason I feel like writing about it. It’s not a fallow time; my deity Beloveds are busy right now with work, and they both drop by to spend time with me when they can. The spirits are quiet, and so are my People.
I pulled out my mental health deck, and did a quick tarot reading. The reading indicated that this year is going to be a quiet one when it comes to astral drama and Otherworld shenanigans. It said that I’ll still be celebrating holidays, and spending time with my Loved Ones, but it also cautioned me about excess worrying (especially worrying that a long period of quiet=shit’s about to hit the fan.)
At times, I feel like I’m the only mystic/godspouse/polytheist who has an “ordinary” life Here, and who’s gods, spirits, and Otherworld people encourage having that “normal” life. I know I’m not (and that I can’t judge a person’s life by a handful of blog posts) but “give up everything to the gods/make everything about the gods” is an attitude that I still see, and I’ve written about before (link) how unhealthy that is for me.
I got a new tarot deck yesterday, the Sinking Wasteland tarot. I love the modern art style, the diversity of people in the deck, and that it has very little nudity. The reading I did yesterday said that this is going to be a deck to help me when it comes to mental health related stuff; since it has a more sparse color scheme, it feels like it’s perfect for that.
I did a reading with the High King, and he gently called me out on having a difficult time breaking the habits in regards to what I call “the god (or astral) vortex.”
I know you lost friends [to the astral,] and I understand that you’re hurting from that, he said to me, but there’s deception in that path, in having the Otherworlds take over your life.
Yesterday, I felt pulled to do a small ritual for Darkness–something I hadn’t felt pulled to do in several months. At first, I took my pill box off my shrine, but didn’t feel right lighting the lantern until I put it back on. I guess that means that the pill box is part of my shrine now.
I did a brief tarot reading, and I was reassured that I’m on the right path in focusing on my life Here and letting Darkness run without me. To be honest, I’ve needed the continuing quiet on my astral radar, but knowing everything is going well Over There is good.
I’ve started interpreting the Pentacle suit in tarot to be referencing things/people Here, as opposed to Over There, in my style of reading. I got mostly pentacle cards in the reading I did, but swords showed up a few times. I interpreted the sword cards as continuing to tell me to let go of the idea of a life filled with woo astral stuff, which has been a continuing theme both in my readings and with my Beloveds.
Overall, it was nice to do a small 15-minute ritual. It was nice to hear from Darkness again, though I’ve relaxed into the overall quiet on my godphone/astral radar.