Stepping Back from the Vortex (Devotional December)

At times, I feel like I’m the only mystic/godspouse/polytheist who has an “ordinary” life Here, and who’s gods, spirits, and Otherworld people encourage having that “normal” life.  I know I’m not (and that I can’t judge a person’s life by a handful of blog posts) but  “give up everything to the gods/make everything about the gods” is an attitude that I still see, and I’ve written about before (link) how unhealthy that is for me.

I got a new tarot deck yesterday, the Sinking Wasteland tarot.  I love the modern art style, the diversity of people in the deck, and that it has very little nudity.  The reading I did yesterday said that this is going to be a deck to help me when it comes to mental health related stuff; since it has a more sparse color scheme, it feels like it’s perfect for that.

I did a reading with the High King, and he gently called me out on having a difficult time breaking the habits in regards to what I call “the god (or astral) vortex.”

I know you lost friends [to the astral,] and I understand that you’re hurting from that, he said to me, but there’s deception in that path, in having the Otherworlds take over your life.

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A Small Ritual

Yesterday, I felt pulled to do a small ritual for Darkness–something I hadn’t felt pulled to do in several months.  At first, I took my pill box off my shrine, but didn’t feel right lighting the lantern until I put it back on.  I guess that means that the pill box is part of my shrine now.

I did a brief tarot reading, and I was reassured that I’m on the right path in focusing on my life Here and letting Darkness run without me.  To be honest, I’ve needed the continuing quiet on my astral radar, but knowing everything is going well Over There is good.

I’ve started interpreting the Pentacle suit in tarot to be referencing things/people Here, as opposed to Over There, in my style of reading.  I got mostly pentacle cards in the reading I did, but swords showed up a few times.  I interpreted the sword cards as continuing to tell me to let go of the idea of a life filled with woo astral stuff, which has been a continuing theme both in my readings and with my Beloveds.

Overall, it was nice to do a small 15-minute ritual.  It was nice to hear from Darkness again, though I’ve relaxed into the overall quiet on my godphone/astral radar.

Reading With An Ally

I’ve been approached by a new deity, and he’s someone I greatly respect and admire.  He’s offered a formal relationship with me, and I wanted some clarification about *what* exactly he meant by “formal,” as well as some other things.

This reading’s under a cut because it’s just over 1,000 words long; I had questions, and he had answers.

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Engagement Reading

So J and I have been talking about doing a handfasting type of ceremony sometime in the Spring.  The handfasting would make our relationship “official,” as well as help some diplomacy related things relevant to Over There.  It’s also traditional in Darkness for a couple to do a handfasting as a way of being engaged for a year (or more) before taking any more permanent vows.

The subject of our pending engagement (we’re not considered “officially” engaged until we do the ceremony) came up again this morning over tea, so we did a reading about it together.  (My godphone has been having fantastically shitty reception lately, so J decided that tarot was the way to go.)

(Under the cut because this reading is nearly 800 words.)

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A Reading with the Monsters

I’ve gotten divination that’s pointed to the Monster spirits I work with being more active in my life in the coming year.  I’ve been getting more signs of them being around, and today they asked for a reading.


The first card, pulled with no question; the start of the conversation.

Card: 4 of Wands

This is a card about community and Home; that this is the first card they gave me indicates that they’re really stepping up in being involved in my life, not just being a ground of spirits I only acknowledge sometimes.

Okay, in what way?

Card: The Hermit

I heard one of them say “he has a star in his chest, Father.”  She was referencing the artwork, in which the Hermit has a star on what appears to be the back of his cloak, but could just as easily be over his Heart.

This card is normally about isolation and introspection, but in this case I’m getting a sense of it being more about moving on, moving forward, and following my own Light.

Is this Otherworld Me, or me-over-Here?  Reversed for Other Me, upright for me-over-Here.

They had me draw three cards; so it’s both Other Me and me-over-Here, with a bridge connecting them both.

Cards: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands (bridge card), Queen of Pentacles (rev)

I’ve been making some rapid changes in my “mundane” life recently (finishing another semester of college, coming out as trans, writing more) and that hard work is not just going to pay off Here, but it will also help me in my goals in my Otherworld life (which makes sense, since me-here and Me Over There are connected.)

All right, then, that makes sense.  Is there any particular reason why you’re stepping up *now*?

Card: 7 of Pentacles

My practice has gone through a difficult time; this [the Monsters stepping up] is something that can change my practice radically and give it more structure than its had in the past.  This group of spirits being more present can also help me work towards understanding Darkness more.

“Understanding Darkness more,” in what way do you mean?

Card: the Magician (rev.)

This card points to understanding who I am to Darkness; learning more about how I fit into this Realm, which will lead to learning more about Darkness in general.  That this card is reversed carries a warning; to not become so caught up in what I’m learning about the Otherworlds that I neglect my life Here.

(I asked if they had anything more to say, and got a “no.)

Raining Stars

I am the King of Swords, clad in purple.  I am surrounded by fire and by those Who will still protect and Love me.  In trying to twist Fate and make the Far Ones bend to your whims, you have set everything on fire.

In my mind, I hear the sound of snakes slithering on snow.

A Reading

When I do a tarot reading with my Beloveds, I read the cards like a story (unless they say otherwise) with the cards I draw building on each other to create meaning.  I use both traditional tarot meanings, and intuition, to interpret the cards.


The three of us sit around the table, my morning offerings of coffee in hand, and a deck of tarot cards spread out before us.

The Hanged Man, III of Cups

The cards tell us to seek peace with one another.  They also warn that peace will not be found in sacrifice and grand gestures, but in honestly supporting one another.

VIII of Cups, IX of Pentacles

This only drives the point home that the first cards made, to be honest and open with one another.  The cards say that admitting where we went wrong and knowing when we’ve made a mistake is a needed skill to have in a marriage, especially in rough times like we’re facing now.

X of Wands, Page of Wands

These cards speak of my fear that I’ve ruined my marriages, of all my anxieties and broken feelings that have come rushing to the surface lately.  The cards speak of my feelings like I need to be more to my Husbands, and one my of Beloveds reminds me that I had been miserable, and had created distance between us, the last time I tried to force myself to be someone I’m not in our marriage.

My other Beloved says that if I need the three of us to simply be close friends who are married, rather than romantic partners, that he’s fine with that (the other god is nodding in agreement; they had agreed that a shift like that was needed, for all of us.)  He reminds me that there is not a hierarchy between friendship and romantic love, and that they both still love and care for me deeply.