Raining Stars

I am the King of Swords, clad in purple.  I am surrounded by fire and by those Who will still protect and Love me.  In trying to twist Fate and make the Far Ones bend to your whims, you have set everything on fire.

In my mind, I hear the sound of snakes slithering on snow.

A Reading

When I do a tarot reading with my Beloveds, I read the cards like a story (unless they say otherwise) with the cards I draw building on each other to create meaning.  I use both traditional tarot meanings, and intuition, to interpret the cards.

The three of us sit around the table, my morning offerings of coffee in hand, and a deck of tarot cards spread out before us.

The Hanged Man, III of Cups

The cards tell us to seek peace with one another.  They also warn that peace will not be found in sacrifice and grand gestures, but in honestly supporting one another.

VIII of Cups, IX of Pentacles

This only drives the point home that the first cards made, to be honest and open with one another.  The cards say that admitting where we went wrong and knowing when we’ve made a mistake is a needed skill to have in a marriage, especially in rough times like we’re facing now.

X of Wands, Page of Wands

These cards speak of my fear that I’ve ruined my marriages, of all my anxieties and broken feelings that have come rushing to the surface lately.  The cards speak of my feelings like I need to be more to my Husbands, and one my of Beloveds reminds me that I had been miserable, and had created distance between us, the last time I tried to force myself to be someone I’m not in our marriage.

My other Beloved says that if I need the three of us to simply be close friends who are married, rather than romantic partners, that he’s fine with that (the other god is nodding in agreement; they had agreed that a shift like that was needed, for all of us.)  He reminds me that there is not a hierarchy between friendship and romantic love, and that they both still love and care for me deeply.

QP Relationship Reading

This is one of the tarot spreads the Dreamer taught me.  It’s a three cards spread; cards one and two are for me and [whoever I’m reading about], and the third card is for the relationship overall.  I usually do this spread for deity relationships, since I’m not very comfortable doing tarot readings about other people in my life without their knowledge.


The Madman asked me to do a three-card relationship reading for us, using the Wild Unknown deck he’d claimed for divination purposes.

(And yes, these were initially all reversed again.  I’ve decided that all reversed tarot cards are his “yes I really am here for divination” sign.)

His card: 6 of Pentacles

My interpretation: This card speaks of generosity, of gifts yet to be given (which fits in with my last post.)  He does not give me gifts because he seeks my gratitude or worship–neither of my Beloveds wants to be my god to me–but simply because he loves me.  That the flowers on this card are not yet in bloom speaks of gifts that are still to be given, or plans that are coming to fruition.

My card: 2 of Pentacles

My interpretation: I’m learning to balance two rather intense deity relationships, though both are intense in different ways.  My two Beloveds bring balance to my life, just as I act as a focal point for them.

Our relationship: 10 of Wands

My interpretation: I’ve already accomplished much in my relationship with this Beloved of mine.  It’s nothing flashy or glamorous, and that’s okay.  He doesn’t want our relationship to be full of hard Work, or anything I’m reluctant to be in, simply that we love one another (and the Dreamer as well.)

Back Into Spiritual Stuff

“Do a three card reading,” the Dreamer said.

I was shuffling the deck, when I drew the third card, a fourth card fell out.

“There,” the Dreamer said, “that can be your focus card.  Now you have your reading.”

While I tend to read this particular tarot deck intuitively, since it didn’t come with any sort of guidebook, this time (at the Dreamer’s request) I’m using the guide for a tarot app on my phone.

Overall focus: Queen of Pentacles (reversed)

My interpretation: This card is about balancing my “regular” life with my “spiritual” life.  I’ve been in a time of rest, where things were on pause, so to speak.  That time may be over, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting hit with a giant load of Work, it’s simply time for me to start doing things again.

The three cards: Two of Wands, Six of Cups, Page of Cups (reversed)

My interpretation: I’ve been making progress; major decisions have been made this year, many of them personal (both to me, and in my marriage to my Husband.)  In working past my creative block in my writing, I’ve not only brought me and the Dreamer closer (it was, after all, through a story that he dropped the Mask of being [Title]) but I’ve gained valuable insight about myself as well.

It’s funny that writing comes up, because both the Dreamer and the Madman have suggested that I take on a new writing project.  They’ve suggested that I actually write about who I once knew them to be, rather than shutting that part of my journey up, and locking it away like it never happened.

They’ve said it’s fine if I write about it privately–they’re not requiring me to expose things I still feel vulnerable about (and since I was known within the community I was in at the time as being a spouse of [the Dreamer’s Title] I still feel very awkward writing about that.)

They’ve said they don’t consider it shadow work, that this is more about healing than anything else, and acknowledging the past.

*deep breath*

Okay, got it.

Rising Up

So the Madman (the nickname my platonic Partner gave me to call him) asked me to do a reading with him.

It was a “shuffle the cards until one falls out” reading, without any particular question in mind–he just wanted to spend time with me, he said (and do a reading.)  I was surprised when a group of seven cards fell out.

Varian: Should I read all of this?

the Madman: No, use the pendulum to pick one.

Varian: *picks a card and flips it*

the Madman: *sighs in frustration*  Draw a clarification card, please.

The cards are The Lovers and Six of Wands.

These were initially reversed–I think all reversed card readings are becoming his “hey I’m here” signature.  This time I just flipped them over.

the Madman: What does that little sheet of yours say, about the six of wands?

Varian: Victory, and… *scans paper*

the Madman: No, that’s not what I mean by this.

Varian: Rising up?

the Madman: Yes.

the Madman: It’s about rising beyond nicknames–I know you’ve been wanting to go back to the old Titles we [him and the Dreamer] used to go by–habits are hard to break, I know.  But, Varian, that’s not going to do you any good.  Sure, you’d have a “community” of fellow devotees–but remember how much you fought to censor your experience with “[Dreamer’s Title],” because you were so certain your experience wasn’t “right” or “real?”

Varian: Yes.

the Madman: Precisely.  You can’t really achieve true union *indicates the Lovers card* if you’re constantly holding back, thinking that we’re someone other than who we truly are.

Handfasting Reading

Some backstory: There’s this god (who shall remain anonymous right now) and I guess you can say we’ve been dating, though our relationship leans more towards a queerplatonic one than anything romantic.

(Yes, the Dreamer knows about this, and he’s given us his blessing.)

I got some strong nudges from my Partner to do some divination about the upcoming handfasting we’re doing later this month.

This was the result:

I had a moment of “what the fuck, [Partner]?” when every single card came up reversed.  Then I realized this is more from his perspective than mine.

I’m reading them in groups of three, which is how the reading is set up.

Cards: Mother of Pentacles, Temperance, Mother of Swords (all reversed)

My interpretation: “Love takes time,” is something he’s said to me before.  Healing can be part of what we gain from this handfasting, but it is not a goal to set for it.  He is not a god many would trust with their Heart, but even in all his experience and wisdom, he did not see his Love for me coming.

Cards: Father of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, the Empress and 2 of Pentacles (all reversed)

My interpretation: He is often seen as a very analytical god, the gifts he gives are often said to come with strings attached, but not this time.  He wants simply to be there for me, and to help me in my creative pursuits (though the Dreamer is still very much my Muse.)  [Partner] simply wants to be someone I can lean on when I need to.

(here the Dreamer stepped forward “draw one card from the very top of the deck, one from the very bottom, and one from the middle.”)

Cards: 8 of Cups, 5 of wands, 9 of wands (all reversed)

My interpretation: There have been ups and downs getting to this point.  I can be confident in several things: that my Partner loves me, that there is no jealousy between him and the Dreamer (the two of them are friends, after all,) and that this is a relationship I can relax into.  Nerves are understandable, since handfasting is a major step, but this is a joyous occasion, one that should be celebrated.

I’ve waited here for you

I throw myself into
And out of the red, out of her head she sang

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me

Slow how
You wanted it to be
I’m over my head, out of her head she sang

This was the song my Partner played for me when he first brought up handfasting–that it was up to me, that I could take our relationship as fast or as slow as I wanted to, that he wouldn’t push me into anything.

How we met and got together is a longer story, one I might tell later if I feel comfortable doing that.  There’s been ups and downs getting to this point, but I am very happy that we’re here now.  ❤