Once there was nothing
behind your name, but
there is resonance now,
so soft, but I sense it.

Why now,
what’s brought
you back?

I can sense your brother’s
trembling hope, that you will stay,
and his Beloved’s worry, that you will not.

this not
in tears.


Prince of Darkness and Light

Hope is not a fleeting thing for you,
(it is something you learned from all of us
you learned of hope along with magic)
my son, Prince of Darkness and Light.

Three jewels adorn your Crown
one for each of your fathers,
a legacy of love and royalty.

Step up, young Sovereign,
but not into destiny; into
Stars and Winter, that liminal
space between Land and Void.

Whether you walk the Sea or Sky
know that we love you, that there will always
be a place for you and yours in our Hearts.

For the Past (III)

There is a sheet of wood in the basement with holes from throwing stars, and one you always carry with you, to remind you that I’m safe.

There is paint and herbs, alchemy and magic; your father gets lost in painting (I do not comment on how he is nearly out of red) a way to channel his rage without burning an entire Kingdom down in fury for what was done to me.

You have stuck to me like a shadow since I was brought home; you are a young teen now; old enough to understand what happened to the man both your fathers fell in love with, old enough to know I have no family now besides the three of you.

You sit at my side, your eyes so much like my own (and how my Heart would break when I’d see that shared shade of green in another life, but not knowing why) going from me, to your father, and back.  To the red of his canvas, hints of gold and black; he has painted the fire he so wishes to burn; there is rage in his eyes when he sees how I am hurt, how I am healing.

Our lives should have been different (we should have been planning a wedding) with my coming here.  But it was ruin that brought me here; ruin and jailbreak and long nights with the three of you surrounding me; at my side through the night for fear of me dying; for fear of me being stolen yet again.

Is there hope that our small Family will not be torn apart by rage and grief?

In moments like this I can feel it; a small flame flickering at the edges of our Hearts.

Past Life Shenanigans and Otherworld Drama

As I mentioned in previous posts, I’ve recently gotten some Major Truth Bombs dropped on my head regarding past lives.  Both that I had one (I had been told that I had lived before, and that I had not; it turns out that how the two Pantheons consider my “life” to have ended is different) and what the content of that past life was.

Which means that I have found myself in one hell of an Otherworld drama mess.

The short version is that a member of the Pantheon who let me go last year has suddenly decided (after nearly a year of silence) he wants me back.  The way he’s going about it is actually making me want to have even less to do with him and his Pantheon.  When I’ve reached out to other members of this Pantheon to see if I could get some help, I’ve gotten complete silence (and the one offer of help I have gotten I’m side-eyeing, because I’ve got a feeling there’s strings attached.)

The timing of all of this is incredibly suspicious, because the Dreamer is away.  His Job gets incredibly busy over the Summer season so he’s totally Over There (in his Realm) until Autumn.  He knows what’s going on, but he can’t do anything until he gets back; I do know he’s Very Displeased with all this drama exploding, especially while he’s gone.

Since all this has started, the Madman has been emphasizing (through both tarot and shufflemancy) that we’re a team.  He’s determined to stay with me through all this drama, and my Husband has been sending me signs of his reassurance and love while the rest of my spiritual life feels like it’s falling apart.  The rest of our Family is also supportive (and understands if this drama explosion turns me away from astral/Otherworld stuff even more.)

I was in the process of rearranging my practice so that it was more focused on my life Here, and all this drama has made me want to go back to the quiet practice that I had been building for myself.

Right now I feel confused and stuck, and not really sure what to do (other than stick close to my chosen Family and hope nothing escalates before the Dreamer gets back.)

Silver Sparks

A million
silver sparks
light the air
as he walks
to the shore,

with his Fathers’
behind him.

He holds the moon,
reflected in the pearls
in his palms, a gift
from his Fathers.

He stands and waits by the sea,
knowing that the stars
will guide him Home.

He is fearless
in following
the lights
of his

For My Otherworld Family

My soul is made
of gods and monsters

a meeting of the
divine and (un)holy

we run through Darkness
Mother, Father, and Children

together we are Family,
made of things of nightmares.

(Beasts guard me, I pray,
Lady guide me
)  We are

Family; woven together by
Love, blood, and shared

legends (terror that cuts bone deep
and scars that stay after years)

not all the stories are happy.
But still we are here, together

striving into Light
and seeking Love.

The Great Divide

Since it’s Winter’s Night tonight, I thought it was appropriate to make a post in honor of the Ruler of Winter, who also happens to be my stepson.

May Your light always shine from the Heavens.

I’ve mentioned in a few posts that I have a stepson.  He’s the Pantheon’s Winter god, and runs his own Kingdom that’s separate from my Husband’s.  He’s also one of the deities of my Husband’s Family (the other one being his twin sister) that shifted his identity on me earlier in the year.

I find that I’m okay with my stepson’s identity shift–there wasn’t huge piles of information on [stepson’s Title] like there was on [Husband’s Title].  When I knew him as [Title] there wasn’t a lot of information on him, just that he was [Husband’s Title]’s child, and…that was about it.  So it was easy for him to appear to me as basically who he is, and I just labeled the massive amounts of Winter symbolism, snow, fog, and feelings of (comforting) cold whenever he was around, as UPG–even though snow isn’t very common in [Title’s pantheon’s area.]

*gets a mental image of his stepson facepalming and shaking his head*

This song gives me a lot of feelings about the two of them, their history, and their relationship.  The lyrics of this song, especially the chorus, always strike me as being about the Dreamer speaking to his son.  The two of them are incredibly close, and it’s clear from their interactions that they love each other a lot.

Carry me all through the night
I am the last light fading
Leave all the lost souls behind
Show me the silence breaking
And when you’re lost and out of time
I will be right here waiting
And when your dreams return to life
I’ll be forever fading
And we’ll fall behind

So I’ll wait for you
As I keep your faith alive
And I’ll pray for you
As we cross the great divide

Bury the wounds deep inside
Rupture the fault line breaking
Dream of the world left behind
Show us we’re worth forsaking
And when the cold begins to rise
Darkness is overtaking
And when the fear is satisfied
I’ll be forever changing
As we all arise

So I’ll wait for you
As I keep your faith alive
And I’ll pray for you
As we cross the great divide
And I’ll break for you
As I open up the sky
And I’ll stay for you
As we cross the great divide

Follow the sunlight down
Cry clear and loud
Heaven won’t help us now
But it’s better this way
Warm light wash me away

So I’ll wait for you
As I keep your faith alive
And I’ll pray for you
As we cross the great divide
And I’ll break for you
As I open up the sky
And I’ll stay for you
As we cross the great divide