I know I’ve been really quiet on both my blogs, mainly because there’s not much to write about right now.
I’m starting to suspect that not only do I go into my annual fallow time in Summer, my depression also gets worse–I’m not saying that my depression and fallow time are connected, because they’re not. My fallow time starts in mid-to-late May, and it’s in June that my brain decides to hate me. The depression lingers around even after Darkness’s New Years, so I know the two aren’t connected.
I’ve also had some eye related health issues to take care of (thank the Blind King I got an appointment as fast as I did.) The ointment I used to treat it made everything blurry, so I haven’t spent as much time online. My eye doctor says that everything’s cleared up, so I’m good to go. Hopefully I can get some new glasses at my upcoming appointment, because I’ve had my old ones for years now.
Spiritual life wise, things are quiet. I’ve gotten a new tarot deck that only wants to be used during non-fallow times, so I’ll be writing about it later on. I got a set of heart-shaped runes, and those are going to be my personal set, rather than being for deity or Darkness related readings.
My family’s at our new house, and we have wi-fi now. The move went smoothly, and now we have to unpack like a million boxes.
I’ll probably be off social media for a while while we get stuff unpacked, but just wanted to make a quick post.
This post is about a week late, but I now Officially have an Associates degree in Business! The past three years have flown by, and I’m really proud of myself for finishing my degree.
I find my gods
in the everyday
in the life around me that
they wish for me to live, for myself
not for them, for my faith to ebb and flow,
in the quiet still of the college library
with an offering of tea, and studying for finals.
Today I bought a sketchbook and some colored pencils, because I’ve been wanting to get back into art after not having drawn anything for several years.
Then I remember that the Dreamer is an artist, and that he’s been gently encouraging me to get back into art and drawing for a while now. Not for any sort of devotional activity, just that he thinks I’d enjoy it. It makes me happy, that he’s encouraging my hobbies simply as things I enjoy doing.
That’s something that I’ve been noticing lately, that my Beloveds are encouraging my independence and balancing my “everyday” and spiritual life. They’re helping me separate the “mundane” and spiritual, rather than bringing them closer together. I’m going to have to sit with that realization for a bit, but it reminds me of the Madman’s comment about faith that ebbs and flows.
I figured I’d do a bullet point review of the last year.
Spiritual life stuff:
- My spiritual life completely fell to pieces
- That was actually the cause of me starting this blog and deleting my old one (everything there just felt too private and raw, though I did repost some old poetry here)
- Everything got flipped around and rearranged, and I’m now dealing with an entirely different Pantheon than I was at the start of the year
- The gods I talk about here are immediate Family, there are more than the four I talk about on here (the others are more concerned with the Otherworld, and are more Allies than Family.)
- There’s a group of monster spirits who are also Family, but I don’t talk about them much, since they’re intensely private People
- I have a new Beloved, who’s my platonic Partner
- I literally did not expect that relationship to happen
- Neither did the Dreamer (my Husband)
- We had our handfasting in October
- This relationship is turning into way more of a triad than any of us really expected
- I’ve started looking into theistic Satanism and a little bit into demonolatry
- Himself-as-the-Devil started all of this
- Right now I’m still looking around and exploring, I don’t know if I’ll write about it more on this blog or not
- The Dreamer says that even if it’s not something I do long term, I at least studied and learned something new, and that’s always a good thing
- I went back to college
- I enjoyed all my classes and got really awesome grades
- I found out that I actually love math???
- I’ve started coming out as trans
- It’s a very slow process right now
- People so far have been accepting, which I’m all !!!! about right now
- I’m starting to get called “sir,” and it feels amazing when it happens
- I alternate between “yes this is making me happy” and “holy shit this is SCARY”
- That fantasy story I’ve talked about writing?
- I finished it
- It’s like 25,000 words
- I am so incredibly proud of myself