WIP Wednesday: Apocalypse Blanket

My 10 Stitch Blanket is continuing to grow. I call it (only half jokingly) the Apocalypse Blanket, it’s really soothing to work on, and is helping my mental health a lot these days. I’m also in love with gradient yarns, and the slow color change in this (from green to black) is very satisfying to watch.

The joins aren’t the neatest thing in the world, but I’m happy it’s teaching me how to join work like this. I’ve also learned how to do mitered corners, which I’ve found are best done in one sitting, rather than stopping in the middle.

A Song That Makes Me Laugh

I’ve been derealizing and feeling depressed as fuck lately, so like all my energy is going to just…staying a little *less* depressed?

So I thought I’d post a song that makes me laugh, because someone else might need it as well. Plus Chris Thile is an incredible musician.

Fade Shawls *Without* Lace?

I’m typing this on my phone, will add pattern links later.

Links have been added!

I bought a kit for the Find Your Fade shawl [link] (which is 7 full skeins of fingering weight yarn,) but found out that the lace and asymmetrical set up makes my brain explode.

To be honest, the thought of knitting anything complex and/or lace at all makes me want to cry?

Uh, typing that makes me realize The Virus is getting to me.

So, any of my knitting followers have any suggestions for a faded/gradient shawl that doesn’t have lace or cables?

WIP Wednesday: Staying Sane Blanket

TW of mention of The Virus, if you’re like me and fucking sick of it being everywhere. Also I curse more than usual in this post.

I had a panic related meltdown the other day, and decided that fuck this, I’m knitting a blanket. I’d already started one [link], but it had Magical Significance, and I (in the middle of my meltdown) told my Spouse that I do not have the energy for more magic. He gave me a hug, suggested I find a different pattern, and make one just for me out of the green/black yarn.

It’s a 10 Stitch Blanket [link] and so far the corners make my brain hurt. I can see that I *have* knitted a full corner, and another half corner, but tbh it’s hard to see I’m making progress until I look at it from a distance and see that I have a rectangle now.

So I started that in order to stay sane, hopefully it’ll help?

*throws feelings onto paper*

This entire virus thing is…weird as fuck, to be honest.

Like, I have anxiety and depression, which I’m pretty open about on this blog, along with Dissociative Identity Disorder.  The anxiety and depression are managed with medication and grounding techniques, DID is lots of therapy, trauma work, and self work.

And yet…I’m calm????????

Like I’m worried, yeah.  I have family who I don’t want to see affected by it, but we’re making jokes about toilet paper shortages, and why is all the yeast gone from the shelves??

I’m worried, but I’m not like…panicking?

I also feel like being disabled and unable to drive is…helping me cope with all this social/physical distancing stuff?

Like, I’ve had to find stuff I can do at home or without a lot of travel by necessity.  My main hobbies are all things I can do at home, so I have stuff to do *looks at his knitting projects* that can help keep me occupied.

I’m getting a lot of writing done, which is helping me.  I’ve learned that setting small goals is way easier for me to do for a writing session, rather than the word could goal for the story.


To end this post on a happy note, have a picture of my dog being cute.

New Year’s Goals

Writing this down for myself, and having it down in public might be a way to hold myself accountable.

  • Get a job, and keep it
  • Keep going to therapy
  • Accept that having DID impacts my life
  • Stop buying cheap ebooks and video games
  • Finish my knitting projects before starting new ones
  • Get back into playing guitar regularly, not just when I have a lesson

2019 Reflections

Well, that was…a year.

That’s my first thought about 2019, to be honest. Looking back at my journal, a lot really did happen:

  • I became a father to two wonderful astral children
  • I got a job (then lost it two months later)
  • There was a shitstorm of a breakup with my platonic Otherworld partner
  • I lost one of my best friends
  • I got accused of faking DID by my ex-therapist, I promptly dumped him, and got my current therapist, who absolutely rocks
  • Trauma memories began to resurface
  • I think at least three new alters did the “HEY WE’RE OVER HERE” dissociative introduction thing that’s so fun /sarcasm
  • I began to formally work with the Queen of Darkness, which has been an immensely healing thing for me

So looking at that list above, a lot of stuff did happen. For some reason, it just doesn’t feel like a lot happened?

I don’t do much in the way of New Year’s resolutions, if I do come up with any I’ll write about them in another post. Now I’m going back to knitting and trying to recover from whatever plague I caught over Christmas.

Hiatus, For Now


This is one of Varian’s alters typing this. I’m assuming he’s written about his Dissociative Identity Disorder on here? Looking at the categories, he has, okay then.

V hasn’t been around much these days–it’s me and S sharing hosting duties, and V has been spending more and more time away from the front lately. It’s been V writing the posts on his blogs, by the way–he’ll front long enough to write something, then go back to the headspace again.

I know he’s got a project going on his blog for “Mother Death” (as he calls her) but that’s probably going to be on hiatus until he comes back. As far as I know the other one he was going to do here on WP has been cancelled due to lack of spoons, and, well, him being gone.

He’s still around in the headspace, by the way. He did try to leave, but the High King (I think?) turned him back and told him that he *has* to live on Earth. So he *is* okay, just not in front right now.

I wanted to write a post so his friends know what’s going on, and because his friends would have some idea of what it is I’m talking about.

–A, protector of the system

I Tried to Leave

I tried to leave this life and world behind.

I tried to slip out of the doorway
of this life, since someone else had
taken over, and found myself in Darkness.

“Go back” where the words that met
my ears, “you need to live, on Earth.”

I am angry, Beloved, that you turned me away,
and I am remorseful, that I tried to leave, and
you are correct, in the question you asked me:
What is it about your life you hate so much?

I go from shock, to grief, to anger; it is not
one thing that makes me hate this world and life;
the pain lies in being taught to hate it from childhood.