The Sanctity of Broken Hearts (A Month for the Madman)

[My Beloved gave me that title as a prompt, and when nothing I wrote felt “right,” he suggested I channel him.  This is the result.]


You never treat Hearts as the precious things they are, that Love and trust is the greatest thing anyone–mortal, divine, or in-between–can offer you.  It is all about fire, about burning, about making someone strong through trial and error…nevermind the terrible consequences you may face if your mortal “fails” the test, to “love” you enough that they give up everything for you.

Smashed Hearts and shattered dreams are called Sacrifice, are said to be what being god-touched is made of.  Smash your devotees greatest life, tell them to give it up in service to you, and it will all be worth it in the end.

No.

I rebel against the holiness of Hearts that have been broken. 

I rebel against the idea that dreams must be shattered, that someone must be cracked like an egg to reveal the beauty that was inside them.  People are not geodes, once smashed against a rock a devotee does not glitter–they bleed, and they rebel against you, if they have strength left once you’ve shattered them.

Broken Hearts are not holy, and if someone enters my Halls because a god has broken them, I will give them rest.  I will sing their name as they travel to the East, and the Sun will rise to light their way to their true Home.

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To Begin Healing (A Month for the Madman)

Is this what it means to begin to heal?

To let the past go.  To begin to look forward into a brighter future of all of tomorrow’s dreams.  A life without clouds of doom hanging over us, weighing us down with what-ifs and worries.  To shed our black cloaks and be free of the past.

Let us go from Darkness, into Light.

The Light We Cannot See (A Month for the Madman)

Your path is carved with crystals
reflecting all the light we cannot see

in Summer days when the King leaves
and the light vanishes from the sky
all is fallow, now is a time to rest.

In Autumn times when planting has begun
the King has returned, bringing the sun with him

every year his Star rises, and now all of Darkness
is beginning to feel change on the wind; King’s Reflection,
what is coming to pass, what beauty that we are blinded to?

What small sparks of stars are being formed even now,
what whispers from the Heavens reach your Heart?

The Beauty of Autumn

Where I live, the leaves are just beginning to change colors.  My Spouse has been pointing this out to me while I’m being driven home from school or work, asking me to notice the changing colors.  It’s not just because I associate him with Autumn, but because it’s something beautiful in this world.

 

Quiet (A Month for the Madman)

My Beloved’s presence has been softer this year; he’s been around when he can, but I’ve noticed that his presence hasn’t been as strong as it was last year.  Granted, last year I was caught up in the middle of some Otherworld Drama that had been going on since the Summer of that year, so I was reaching out for him (and the Dreamer) quite a bit at the time.  But I’ve noticed the quiet, especially as the weather grows cooler.

I have been sensing his presence around, but it’s been in regards to things he’s associated with.  He accompanied me to my low vision group earlier this week (I could sense his excitement when we were talking about scientific advancements in eye related care) and he was around when I had a doctor’s appointment in regards to adjusting my psyche medication.

Maybe the quiet is because he’s a god heavily associated with madness, but even more with healing in regards to mental and emotional health.  That’s one of the main things I’m slowly working on right now–I have psychological testing later this month, and while I want answers about what’s been going on with my brain, I’m also incredibly nervous.

Maybe my Beloved is giving me space to adjust to how my mind works now, that I no longer feel like a void without emotions.  His wings are void level black, but they also shine with the stars, and he’s showing me that I have my own stars, my own Light, from my Heart to guide me Home.

To Be Mournful (A Month for the Madman)

Roses and graveyards and velvet capes,
you laugh and acknowledge that you’re a
walking cliche, but what better way to deal
with the dead, with those who have passed on?

You may as well have a sense of humor about it,
and being your Beloved’s Reflection isn’t the best
either, that long story that all the paranormal
romance novels I read seem to skip right over;

how long Eternity is, how being deeply bound
to one another to the point of trading Hearts
means that neither of you can ever die, means
you must follow one another to whatever

ending may await you.  The cheesy vampire novels
I read get so much wrong; you’re not a dark, brooding soul
caught in emotional torment, you’re the gentlest man I know.
I suppose caring for the past brings kindness out, my Beloved.

A Blind Devotee to a Blind God (A Month for the Madman)

I believe I’ve mentioned it in passing once or twice on this blog, but I’m legally blind due to a retina in one eye not being attached (and it’s been this way since my birth, so there’s no fixing it.)  The Madman is heavily associated with blindness, having lost (then later regained) his eyes himself.  He not only works a lot with the blind community within Darkness, but he’s also very heavily invested in having me reach out and make friends among the blind community in my town.

When we were first getting to know one another, he’d stay with me during my cane training lessons that I was taking at the time.  This was both to keep me company, and to share something we had in common–our sight, or lack thereof.  These days, he’ll accompany me to my monthly low vision support group if he has the time, his hand quietly resting on my shoulder as I talk with my friends.

I’ve begun to offer my cooking to my Beloved when I make anything fancier than a microwaved meal.  I offer my Beloveds my meals regardless, but the act of cooking itself has become an offering for the Madman.  As a legally blind person, cooking can be difficult for me to do, since I have a hard time seeing when something is done, so it’s a very appropriate offering to the Blind King.  My Beloved is also associated with both creating and destruction, as well as with fire, which adds to the appropriateness of these offerings.

This also, in a way, goes into my Sacred Kingship path.  It’s not all Otherworld and astral work, it plays a role in my life Here as well.  Caring for my f/Family and those I love (both Here and There) falls under that role as well.  The Madman is, among many other things, a god of the Hearth, Heart, and Home, and he encourages me to show my love through my actions and the things I do.