One thing my Beloved has been helping me on is loving myself. It’s been a struggle since I was young, feeling like if I was “myself” around people, I would be shunned because of the things I liked. I’ve always been drawn to “dark” things, and I’ve struggled with feeling like I need to hide everything I’m interested in.
As my Beloved put it during a divination session the other day: “loving yourself can come in small steps; enjoying playing as a necromancer in Grim Dawn can be a good first step.”
I’ve written before that dark, death related things are the exact opposite of my Beloved’s tastes, but he supports me in my interests, and that means a lot to me.
You hold me through storms,
your wings enveloping me in dreams.
You are the silence after storms,
you are peace, blooming in my Heart.
My Beloved, you encourage me to lift
up the life that I have Here. You do
not ask for sacrifices, or shatter my
dreams in order to bring me closer to you.
All you ask is that I love you, and that I strive
now towards the future, and live in the moment.
Even as flashbacks and paranoia seem to
linger in my mind, you hold me and remind me that
I am nothing but human Here, and you love me
for that. I do not need to be more than I am to
earn your Love and affection.
Jake brought up the subject of us getting married today (we’re currently engaged.) I initially wanted to wait another year to get married, since our relationship is, in part, an arranged one. We *wanted* to be together, but past life ties, and Otherworld Politics, meant that we got engaged quickly.
I drew a few tarot cards, asking him if this had anything to do with Politics; I got 2 of Cups (minors mean “no” in my personal yes/no/maybe tarot system) and the card itself is about emotional, romantic relationships. I also drew the Sun, him reassuring me that he wants to bring joy to my life long term, and that he wants to be my husband.
I reached out to the Dreamer to let him know about this development, and my pendulum spun in such an enthusiastic, excited “yes!!!” circle that it nearly flew out of my hand.
You sing to me to leave my regrets
behind, in the shadows cast by
my past, and friends left behind.
The stained glass of your monastery
changes your silver robes to shimmering
rainbows, and you shine with Light, my love.
Your songs fill my dreams
with peace, and pale rose petals
unfurling, these are flowers of hope.
My Love, you have no eyes now
and you lean on me for sight;
even in my own blindness,
I guide you through our home–
you know it perfectly well, but to
lose your sight again cuts deep.
Even in this dream state, I feel your
anguish at something so precious lost;
Blind King, you will see again when you wake.
I’ve found that I like having two knitting projects going at once; one that’s somewhat mindless so I can watch TV or listen to music while working on it, and one that’s more complex.
This one is–despite the first section being garter stitch, and the second being stockinette–my more complex project (the easy one is a gift for a family member Here.) The yarn is an amazingly soft merino/silk/baby alpaca blend, and it’s my first “high end” yarn purchase. I am in love with this yarn, not only does it feel wonderful to knit with, the fabric is just as soft as the yarn.
The pattern is the Beginner’s Stitch Sampler Scarf [link] and Jake was the one who chose the pattern. The pattern has been modified slightly so that each square is slightly less than 6 inches long (I did this because I only have two skeins of this yarn) but I like the perfect squares so far.
Right now I’m at the basket weave stitch section, which is a new stitch to me. I try to learn something new with every knitting project, and this pattern requires learning three new stitches. So far I am loving this project.