Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m back at the very beginning of my path. I know I’m not, really, because I’ve known the Queen for almost six years now–but that feeling of being at the start of a new journey lingers. Except this time, I know about the gods, about their morals and values (rather than starting from the group up on research,) and this time it’s an unrecorded path and pantheon.
Part of the Queen’s faith is focused on creativity, so I’m getting back into writing. I’ve been meaning to do that for a while now, and I’ve taken the story to the writer’s group when I’m stuck on it. Which brings me to the other major thing that’s part of her faith–community, and more importantly, asking for help when I need it.
I’ve talked plenty of times before about how I struggle with isolation, as well as with asking for help. I feel–at least right now–like I’m starting to do better on that. I’m currently writing this at the library, both to get out of the house, as well as getting better wi-fi to work on my job hunt.
So far, walking the Queen’s path has been more about improving my life Here, which is just what I need right now. My active devotional practice is simply the morning and evening prayers to her, along with the occasional coffee offering when she wants to do a larger divination session. Even though I feel like I’m back at the beginning of my path, it feels like where I need to be.
I’ve been quiet on almost all social media lately, both because we don’t have the greatest wi-fi where we live, and because I’ve been spending a fair amount of my spare time (both Here and There) focusing on the twins.
I’m not exactly in a fallow time right now, but close to one. Things are simply quiet, though lately I’ve been having dreams (what I can remember) about the process of my Beloved [the Dreamer] leaving behind the name I first knew him under. It’s odd that that’s coming up again, but that shift did begin four years ago around this time of year, so in a sense it’s an anniversary.
I have another anniversary coming up, soon it’ll be 3 years since when I began to explore Darkness (both the Pantheon and Realm.) I don’t have an exact date pinned down for when that happened, but there’s a holiday coming up with my People to celebrate the anniversary of their arrival in Darkness, so it’s going to be something we all celebrate together.
Last night I sat down with the Queen, and she had me draw a few tarot cards about where she wants me to go next. (For someone who’s in a fallow time, it’s busy around here with the Queen.) She wants me to explore the path/faith (not sure what the right word is) in Darkness that’s dedicated to her, along with simply learning more about her.
I questioned this, because Summer is the annual fallow time in Darkness. She reminded me that last Summer I worked with [a friend of the Dreamer’s], and it’s the Wild Hunt right now, which means that Summer is her time of year.
I’m currently waiting on some outside divination to confirm what I know of this path, to be certain that I have the details right. This is part of becoming her Devotee–and Jake thinks it’ll be good for me, to have a specific path I follow. That said, this is something that will take time.
My friend Allie and I started a forum on Dreamwidth for devotees of death deities.
It is here: https://devotees-of-death-deities.dreamwidth.org/
Today is the full moon in May, which means the start of Summer in Darkness, and for me, means a fallow time.
I’ll be able to sense Jake, Trev, and their families, but my gods will be stepping back.
A meme-tastic “thank you” to my Husband, for helping me find the amazing therapist I have now.
┃┃╱╲ In this
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we love
▔▏┗┛▕▔ & appreciate
the King of Shattered Conscious
Bought some runes for my Queen, since she’s been indicating that she wants a set for herself, made of wood (my current set is made of sea stone.)
I found a lovely set of runes that are black and gold, so that’s high contrast enough that I can see it. Plus Light-in-Darkness as a play on words.