I don’t know if I’d call what I’m in right now a fallow time, or if things are simply quiet in the spiritual and astral department. I did make brownies as an offering for Winter’s Sovereign yesterday, both because it sounded good, and because there’s a winter storm in my area right now. I got the impression that he liked the brownies I offered him, and it was nice to spend time with him after not seeing him for a while.
Despite not having a very “active” practice right now, I do stop by my shrine twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. The reason why I do this is because my pill box with my medication has found a home on my shrine. I’ve found myself saying hi to my gods and spirits when I stop by to grab my pills; sometimes I get a reply back, but lately it’s been quiet, with maybe an “I got your message” ping back from them.
I’ve been praying to my deity Beloveds at their shrine at the end of the day, just keeping them in the loop about my life. Sometimes we talk across the distance between Realms, other times I get the sense that my words are going to their answering machine (for lack of a better word.) Either way, talking to them is a nice way to end the day. I’ve been wanting to write a formal prayer to say to them when they’re away on long stretches of business (like now) but haven’t come up with anything yet.
That’s where I’m at right now; things may be quiet, but I’m discovering a structure that words for me, even in the silence.
Right now I’m at a point in my spiritual life where nothing major is going on, and for some reason I feel like writing about it. It’s not a fallow time; my deity Beloveds are busy right now with work, and they both drop by to spend time with me when they can. The spirits are quiet, and so are my People.
I pulled out my mental health deck, and did a quick tarot reading. The reading indicated that this year is going to be a quiet one when it comes to astral drama and Otherworld shenanigans. It said that I’ll still be celebrating holidays, and spending time with my Loved Ones, but it also cautioned me about excess worrying (especially worrying that a long period of quiet=shit’s about to hit the fan.)
One disadvantage of deleting my Tumblr blogs, is that I no longer have my dashomancy system. Since then, my Beloveds, and Others, have been using music to get my attention–thanks to Jake, last night I have two verses of “Michael, Row The Boat Ashore” playing in my head in a loop (Jake uses either hymns, symphonic black metal, or pop music to let me know he’s around.)
I do have the ability to “see” gods and spirits, but it’s more like a very strong mental image of them, along with a feeling of a presence near me. If Jake is around, I’ll often feel his wings wrapped around my shoulders if he’s sitting next to me. Sometimes my sense of “sight” is stronger than other times, so I often rely of the energetic presence that I can feel near me, rather than my sense of “sight.”
I used to travel to the Otherworlds in my dreams fairly often, but since I’ve gotten on Seroquel my dreams have gone absolutely crazy with random stuff that makes no sense, so no more Otherworld dream travel for me. When I have spent time Over There (while awake Here) it’s been through writing, which also helps because I can look over my notes, and easily reference earlier conversations if I need to.
All around me I see death; all paths seem to end there, all dreams seem to be shattered, to be labeled A Sacrifice, For Your Own Good.
I wonder if I am the only one whose gods abhor meaningless sacrifice, if the violent language that “devotion” is spoken about in is nothing but an echo chamber gone horribly wrong.
I wonder about the vortex of the Otherworlds that I have lost friends to, how easy it once was for me to slip away to the Otherworlds, and how now I am precariously clinging to my sanity, and trying to rebuild a life Here. My Beloveds and Queen have cut the threads that bound my Other Self and I together, for both of us, and we have found that we are happier apart.
“How does this impact my life Here?”
That’s become the main question I ask myself when it comes to the astral/Otherworld side of my practice. I’ve found that knowing how much something affects me Here helps me with knowing what to do next, in regards to whatever’s going on. This is especially true in regards to my Kingship practice, which does play a part in my life Here, but in a different way than it does Over There.
Yesterday, I felt pulled to do a small ritual for Darkness–something I hadn’t felt pulled to do in several months. At first, I took my pill box off my shrine, but didn’t feel right lighting the lantern until I put it back on. I guess that means that the pill box is part of my shrine now.
I did a brief tarot reading, and I was reassured that I’m on the right path in focusing on my life Here and letting Darkness run without me. To be honest, I’ve needed the continuing quiet on my astral radar, but knowing everything is going well Over There is good.
I’ve started interpreting the Pentacle suit in tarot to be referencing things/people Here, as opposed to Over There, in my style of reading. I got mostly pentacle cards in the reading I did, but swords showed up a few times. I interpreted the sword cards as continuing to tell me to let go of the idea of a life filled with woo astral stuff, which has been a continuing theme both in my readings and with my Beloveds.
Overall, it was nice to do a small 15-minute ritual. It was nice to hear from Darkness again, though I’ve relaxed into the overall quiet on my godphone/astral radar.
Back in May, I wrote a post saying that my abilities to sense, see, and/or hear my Beloveds–let alone anyone else–has been going down steadily since April. My abilities dying…maybe finally happened?
I did some brief divination about all of this, and the reading was “everything Over There is fine, relax,” and that my godphone and abilities were bound to die sooner or later. This…doesn’t surprise me, but the ongoing quiet is strange.
Two weeks ago, the Dreamer left for his Summer Duties in Darkness. I’ve begun keeping a journal specifically for him when he’s gone over the Summer–he requested I do so through some divination I got–and it’s helped a lot. I don’t know if he gets the letters as I write them, but writing to him has been helping with being unable to reach him any other way.
The Madman has been around when he can be, but his appearances are sporadic. This makes sense, from what I know of the Dreamer’s Summer Duties, that his Spouse would be incredibly busy as well.
Jake is still around, which is comforting. I’ve been spending time with his family and friends when I can–just brief visits, nothing intense–and they really are beginning to feel like family to me.