The Dreamer requested this post; he wanted me to write a piece reflecting on how the past two years of my path–since he revealed to me that he wasn’t a recorded god–have impacted me.
It was the day after the Spring Equinox, that my Spouse asked me to pull out his tarot deck and do a reading; he had something to tell me. Slowly, card by card, he revealed that all the shifts and changes–some large, some small–over the past nine months were leading up to one thing; he was not the god I thought he was.
When he had laid all his cards on the table (pun fully intended) he said that it was up to me, how I handled this and where our path together–if we even would have a path together–went next. He said that if I wished to leave him, that he would understand and respect my decision to separate–to the point that he would undo all energetic and magical bonds between us during the course of that separation.
While he did later release me from the oath I had given him, we made a mutual decision–after a rough period of difficult conversations, discussions with our families [this was before him and his father were estranged,] and a few shouting matches–to give our marriage a chance to continue.
It’s been approximately two years now, since my Beloved revealed to me that he wasn’t who I first knew him to be. At the time, it was an absolutely devastating revelation, since I’d felt like the rug had been ripped out from under me–but at the same time, so many little (and big) discrepancies between [who I first knew the Dreamer to be] and who I know him to be (both as a person and as a god,) began to made sense. Those differences weren’t something I understood in an instant, it was something that came about gradually. There were some that had been rather obvious–the Dreamer detests dark, death related things, and [who I’d first known him to be] was a god heavily connect to death–while others were much more subtle.
He didn’t suddenly drop the information on me out of nowhere, it had been developing since late June of the previous year. Several new associations, new epithets, a shift in appearance, the beginning of the pop culture side of my devotion to him…looking back, it seems obvious that he was not only showing me that he wasn’t [who I thought he was] but that he was from a very different, and much more modern, Realm than I had first believed him to be.
There have been many changes in my path with him, in these past two years, as well as changes in how I see him. What hasn’t changed, in all the ups and downs, is that he’s still my Spouse, still my Beloved. Even as my path with him ebbs and flows, our love and support for one another is still a constant thing.