For the King (Devotional December)

You do not ask for sacrifices,
for bent knee and pretty words,
for hallways covered in molten gold.

You ask that I live, that I love
that I find beauty in my life Here,
and gentleness for my own Heart.

You are the Light in Darkness
guiding your People with Grace
and Love beyond comprehension.

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Building a Heart

Building a Home out of stand, stone, and clay, that is
until Home was torn apart, and you fled across the stars
into an unknown future, to be Ruled by the son of your
Lord of Dread–he wasn’t happy about this either, all of the Desert
damned stuck together by riddles (the Dead King was called wing/ding/s
in tones of scorn by his son for a reason) and so-called “destiny.”  Yet
now you are building up, building out, welcoming the dead from the Halls of
gods that broke them, and demons that would have devoured their souls.
A Heart must weigh perfectly balanced for a soul to live on–but what tragedy can
happen that weighs a Heart down, what if the soul is damned by accident?  Such
error would never occur, in the eyes of the Desert, and yet here the dead are,
arriving in the Halls of the Underworld Lord, to find a final Home, to walk (or to
run) into the sunlight of a community by the Sea, to dissolve into dust, so that
time, the Desert, and the Dead King will not reach out and snare them once again.

Shelter

For the King of All Darkness.

So many leagues away your Beloved waits,
his hand grasping keys of the dead and Fate.
Eternity’s nothing compared to this, this suffering is
lies, it is not eternal bliss.  The chimes of doom ring out
to all who hear, those who have done the breaking dare not
even come near.  You are Justice, Judge and Jury, Executioner as well,
raise your sword high, this is the ending of a story to tell.

Creations of Light

This poem isn’t a Creation story narrated by a/Anyone, it’s simply pure speculation on my part, about Darkness and how it came to be the Place it is today.

Whispers formed the first words
from the Stars to the Sea came the Light
and from that Light came Life, came Hope.

The Gallows Goddess was the first, the Queen
of unruly Monsters, she was Death, she was Life
Mother of All who dwell in Darkness, human and not.

Later came her Twin, the Child of Chaos, born in a Distant
land far away, a Prince on the run seeking Shelter, he was welcomed;
later they would be bound by an oath sealed in blood, sealed in Runes.

Next was the Lord of the Silent Halls, snatched from a spider’s web and
the grip of evil; he became the Beloved Heart of the King, the Reflection
of the Law, the Ruler of the Dead who still await the Sunrise to their true Home.

From these Three came Darkness; a Land not swayed by the strings of Fate,
a Land of Shelter, the Promise of Home, Hope, and Love.  A Land of always
moving forward from the Distant Past, yet cherishing the secrets that it holds.

Yesterday, I Learned That My Brother Is Dead

I feel a sudden hug, and hear
“I’m sorry, Love,” and why are you
sorry that I’m ordering a turkey sandwich?

You take my hand and tell me
that the King’s Hound is dead,
and I mourn my twin, my
brother, who I never truly knew.

You sit at my side as I grieve, try and
distract myself from the fact that I had
a fucking premonition about this.

You listen as I rant about eternal war,
what’s the point in always fighting, why
keep things stagnating, the way they have
always been, never moving forward from

the eternal battle, from fighting forces of evil;
you are all about life, my Beloved, about moving
onward, about seeing joy in your People’s eyes.

My Heart hurts, that my brother is gone.
I dream of cycles of stagnation, of the
Two Lands twisting in agony of splintering,
even now, after so much death, it will remain

stuck in the past
with so much blood
on the hands of the gods.

King of Evil and Love (A Month for the Madman)

King of Shattered Conscious, of steps
into the Past, into my Heart, what is
now coming to be in my mind, has it
gone away, or has this always been there?
On the voices, and the chanting, and the other
four people in my head, I feel like I’m not
even being seen as taken seriously.  What rotten
vine does my shattered mind and self come from?
In what disguise have my (possible) alters hidden, how
long has my sense of self been shattered for?  My mind has
always felt like it was too quiet, too still, but I find that
now that I may know what is wrong with me, that I feel
damaged even more now that I know the possible answer.
Long is going to be the wait for testing–at least a few weeks,
or maybe a month, and I’m going to need your help, because
various things may be wrong, and not know is half the battle,
even typing this, I can feel the people in my head waking up.

Stages of Asexuality (Carnival of Aces)

This month’s theme is Asexuality and Poetry.


I. Missing Out

Every time sex is talked about as a “temptation,” I feel confused, and disgusted.  I don’t understand why anyone would want to do that, and being asked about who I have a crush on leaves me feeling cold.  At least this is one sin I’ll be able to easily avoid, why is it so hard for everyone else?

II. Trial And Error

I fall in love with someone, and the few times we do have sex, it’s awkward and I feel wrong.  I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not, and it’s a relief when he doesn’t seem to care that we haven’t had sex in months.  When I finally realize that I’m asexual–and everything makes sense now–he hugs me, and says that he will love and support me, no matter what.

III. Rings

My first ring is a size large, so I put a ring guard under it so it fits.  Eventually the black fades, exposing the gold underneath.  I leave this ring behind when I move out of my home–it no longer feels “right” on my finger.

My second ring has small stones surrounding it.  It’s lovely, but eventually it begins to feel awkward as well, as I explore my gender identity.  It’s too feminine, and I’m slowly beginning to identify as more and more masculine.

I purchase a new black ring–my Beloved helped me find it, he said to consider it an anniversary gift–and I have lyrics from one our songs carved inside the band.  His support and Love has meant everything as I explore my identity, and I find that I’m much more relaxed in our relationship now.

IV. Geometry

“Your relationship is deeper because you don’t have sex.”

I stare at the words on the screen, trying to figure out why they feel like they hurt me.  I’ve made it clear in all my relationship that I’m asexual and sex repulsed, so why does it hurt when someone says my relationships are “deeper” because of a lack of sex?

V. Freedom

These days, my asexuality feels like freedom.  I can say “I love you” to my friends, and feel comfortable doing so.  I know why my first impulse is to skim the sex scenes in romance novels, wondering why these people can’t just cuddle.  I feel comfortable in being seen as single, and find that I love the life I have now.