I tried to leave this life and world behind.
I tried to slip out of the doorway
of this life, since someone else had
taken over, and found myself in Darkness.
“Go back” where the words that met
my ears, “you need to live, on Earth.”
I am angry, Beloved, that you turned me away,
and I am remorseful, that I tried to leave, and
you are correct, in the question you asked me:
What is it about your life you hate so much?
I go from shock, to grief, to anger; it is not
one thing that makes me hate this world and life;
the pain lies in being taught to hate it from childhood.
Your Mother made you immortal
Lady of Harvests, of Life and Death.
You watch over the Wilds, and at the end
of Winter you slip away to your Home
in the Underworld, and wait for the Autumn
for the leaves to turn, and for you to Rise once again.
My astral dreams are back,
dreams of meetings and Alliances
long discussions over coffee and paperwork
of what we all gain from this political Work.
These dreams are quiet, but still tiring,
I hope my Beloveds and I can relax soon.
“Here’s your new meds,”
but you didn’t tell me
how much it costs, or
that there’s a long list of side effects
and these are including death.
I’m not schizophrenic, so
why are you still putting me
on anti psychotics?
Our hearts suddenly broken
you left us with nothing but questions.
A door slammed in my face
when I asked if you were okay,
I put your shrine things away
now you have no space in our lives
except for Jake’s tears at your absence
and my sorrow when I see silly sci-fi.
You are there
in the quiet moments
of my life, my beloved.
You remind me
to find joy in the
smallest of actions.
In the sunlight
dancing off your smile
and your songs in my Heart.
–for my husband, Jake. A gift for him, for finally getting his latest music project complete.
Image sources: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x
New medication starts this evening,
please gods I hope I don’t have
any nasty side effects.