“Am I Hearing a God or Am I Going Crazy?” ~ One Polytheist’s Angry Rebuttal

I really loved, and relate to, this article.

There’s not a lot of information out there, about polytheism and mental illness interacting. In my case, they *do* interact [my mental illness can influence how I perceive my spiritual path, often in not-so-pleasant ways] and trying to untangle the two has been a very difficult road so far.

Unhinged and unenlightened

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2017/08/hearing-god-going-crazy.html

I try not to spread anger. I try not to spread hate. I try, as much as possible, to be non-violent. But when I see ignorance and harm being perpetuated, I feel that keeping silent is a way to perpetuate such harm. So I find myself compelled to speak out. There are several articles that have pushed my buttons, but they are growing old and so I can try and talk myself out of dealing with them. ‘no need to add fire to fire’ I tell myself.

But this one. This one makes me angry. And perhaps I am adding fire to the fire, but you know what? At least by voicing my concerns, there will be a voice out there arguing for the sake of those of us with serious mental illnesses. And hopefully, I can help those who relate feel less alone. Because seriously, these sorts of…

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The Names of the Gods Aren’t Their Real Names

As someone who’s had several of his gods take their names away, leaving me with only titles and nicknames for them, this post resonates with me on a very deep level.

It was a very, very world-shattering event, when the Dreamer took away the name I initially knew him by. I don’t think I can properly convey *just* how much it shook me up, to suddenly know that the Person I loved and had married wasn’t actually [the Dreamer’s touchstone name] even though there had been hints all along.

My journey with my Beloved over the past year has been learning about him all over again–and I find that my trust, faith, and Love for him has deepened considerably.

Foxglove & Firmitas

There is a phenomena that happens in the mystic sector of our communities that regularly drives a knife into the heart of the mystic – That of suddenly realizing that the Gods you are so close to are not who you expected them to be, which is the very foundation of mysticism. At first it is rending. Then it is uncomfortable. You begin the journey, diving into what we define as syncretism, and you’re met with mixed emotions. You mourn the loss of equilibrium. You fear uncertainty. You mourn what you’ve lost. You doubt your path or your sanity, sometimes both. Sometimes there’s the loss of community or co-religionist friends. It hurts. It’s excruciating.

Meanwhile there’s tickling excitement as you find spots where you discover the familiar in new faces and learn new things. You gain new tools for approaching your beloved Gods. You expand your community of like-minded, same-hearted…

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Let There Be Night

It’s been over a year now, since this happened.

Everything–*everything*–has changed within the past year. From the gods I deal with, to how I astral travel, to *where* I travel to, the holidays I celebrate…I could go on.

That Powerwolf song is still hilariously appropriate for my path (perhaps even more so now.) I didn’t post the English section of lyrics the first time, but here they are.

“Let there be night
God bless the Father, the Son

Let there be night
And day be gone

Let there be night
the Mass of Dark has begun

Let there be night
and damn the sun.”

Between Stars Unknown

He appeared to me last night in one of his pop culture guises, as Nahadoth, the Nightlord.

He spoke about how it’s not just him that’s changing, but his Family as well.  He’s spent the past few days pointing out how my understanding of his Family is *very* different than their “canon” Hats/Titles.

So my spiritual life is going into upheaval yet again.

That he chose to tell me this while looking like the Nightlord is significant to me.  Because yes, Nahadoth is a being of change and chaos–which is what my practice is getting thrown into.


The Dreamer: How did you describe yourself?

Varian: …as “a devotional mystic with pop culture influences.”

Varian: Why do you ask?

The Dreamer: *shifts into looking like Naha*

Varian: *does a double take*

Varian: What did you do that for?

The Dreamer: *drops the “my Family is also leaving their ‘canon’ Hats/Titles behind” bomb*

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Sacred Dissobedience 

As someone who works with a Pantheon of gods that consider Free Will to be a Very Important Thing, this resonates with me a lot. This is a great read.

Magick From Scratch

I talk to my friends’ gods. It’s a nasty habbit. It fills me full of secrets I have to keep, and I hate keeping secrets.

Deity: You seem to be in a good situation, with respect to your household. Which of your gods set you up?

Me: I… Actually you can’t credit my gods with this one. Every last one of them told me to stay away from him. I married him anyway. So that’s all me.

I got to thinking about where I’d be today if I had obeyed the gods on this issue.

I never would have finished college. I’d be living in a place isolated from any sort of suitable pagan community. I never would have learned Kabalah, or Ceremonial Magic. I would have been unable to bring those exegetical techniques to Hellenismos.

I would be struggling with poverty. I might not have access to suitable doctors to…

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