Hope and Absence

I walk the bridge through waiting cliffs and endless white skies, while the sea crashes below Me.  The air smells of salt and the monastery’s songs echo greeting the dawn.

My Consort walks at My side, his presence a quiet reassurance that I am meant to be here, wearing the white that is only worn by the High King.  The true High King stepped back and I, among several Others, stepped forward to lead Darkness.

The High King may be our guiding Northern star, but he will never allow himself, or his Kingdom, to stagnate or become stuck in the past.  His stepping back to heal and lead by example, is yet another way he gives us Hope.

Advertisements

Finding Balance, and Learning to be Human

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve made a serious post about Stuff Over There, so I’m just going to start rambling.


A few weeks ago, I made the conscious decision to put everything astral related in the hands of [my Otherworld Self].  Since then I’ve been learning to have enough confidence in my Other Self that He can do His Duties in the Otherworlds, and He can update me (Here) if He has any updates to pass on.  That was one of the best things I’ve done in a while, regarding the Otherworld part of my path and my mental health.

One thing I’ve been learning recently is that I don’t have to be constantly “tuned in” to stuff Over There in order to do My Stuff Over There.  I’ve been coming up with some ideas on how to work with these spirits without astral travel, but right now I’m just making notes of ideas, since right now isn’t a good time to plunge back into spiritual stuff.  (Due to mental health stuff, and I have so much schoolwork that’s taking all my mental energy.)

Taking care of myself Here and my mental health is also part of this sacred Kingship path.  Finding balance between Here and There–which at the moment means my life Here and my life There are almost completely separate.


There’s also finding balance between my three Beloveds.  Two of them are deities, and one is not, so there’s different dynamics going on.  Plus there’s balancing several different romantic relationships at the same time.

Even though I deal with the Dreamer and the Madman as my Husbands, I don’t forget that they’re [High Power Deity Guys], because their Jobs influence how they see the world (especially the Dreamer.)

I joke that my life is a fantasy or romance novel, but if it was my Heart would be torn between the three of them, between the highs of divinity and the solid ground of my mortal Beloved–but they’re not asking me to choose.  Instead they’re helping me find balance, to learn to navigate my mortality, to slide between being a King in Other worlds, and a college student who procrastinated on his homework yet again.

I need that solid foundation of a life and Love Here, and they agree with me.  Now is not the time to step fully into Darkness, now is the time to heal, to learn and become who I am in this world, to build a solid foundation of a mind that isn’t screaming at me every time I possibly make a mistake.


I’ve been writing stories as a way to process all the Otherworld trauma I’ve been dealing with.  The stories aren’t exactly what happened, but exploring the Chosen One trope is a way for me to come to terms with what happened, and with being [Otherworld Me] and what that means.

The stories aren’t elegant; they’re fractured and don’t have a precise plot to them (other than the main character being angry about getting sucked into the Otherworlds) but they’re helping me deal with everything that’s been going on.

I Drew J and I

I drew a picture of J and I together.  It was initially going to just be a picture of J, but he decided he wanted me to be in it as well.  (I don’t know what we’re looking at in this picture, but we both look So Done with whatever it is.)

20171103_163708

J almost always wears gray when I see him Over There, and he wanted a drawing that reflected the Otherworld side of our lives together.

This is a drawing of Otherworld Me, by the way.  I almost always wear black Over There, and the red cloak (and pin that goes with it) was a gift from My Mentor.

This took forever to draw because I decided to mess around with shading, and coloring My hair in took a long time.

In the Realm I’m from, long hair and Kingship are connected.  Since beginning to grow My hair out for Kingship purposes, I’m starting to understand why the King of All Darkness keeps his (waist length) hair pulled back in a braid all the time…

Judge Me by My Own Light

A drawing I did to help me process Otherworld events.

This is part of a dream I had updating me on what’s going on Over There, and this is what I remember clearest.  The mental image of a torch and a sword stuck with me, so I thought I’d draw it.

20171024_205443

During the events this depicts, I was holding the torch and sword above My head, but I didn’t want to try and draw My hair (which is a mess of red waves that I’m slowly growing out, because in the Realm My Beloveds and I are from, long hair and Kingship are connected.)

The caption reads Judge Me by My own Light (for Light is the Left Hand of Darkness.)

Ballpoint pen and colored pencils.

To Become a Monster, to Become a King

Here in the Valleys of Darkness I walk alone, My Crown in My hands (so much weight, so much Meaning.)  As I walk, I can sense the whispers of spells being done so far away.

To accept this change, this Transformation, is to be drawn deeper into Other worlds, to be drawn to where My Heart calls me.  I have accepted these People, these Monsters, after three years of hints and quiet devotion, after understanding why the twin monsters with green eyes call Me “Father,” why My wings are made of stone.

Slowly I step into Outer Darkness; all trees, purple skies, and forever Twilight.  I walk towards the Great Tree, and My Crown grows heavier in My hands.  This is not a Symbol now, it is Duty, Honor, and Love.

The Queen’s brother lowers his hands, his spells are finished now that I have made My Choice.  Our eyes meet and he nods; this is up to Me, to Become a Monster and bear the Crown, or cast it off and walk away.  (He will Love Me no matter what Choice I make.)  I nod and he smiles ever so slightly.

I turn to My Mother, who is standing beside an empty Throne.  She embraces Me tightly, and when I step back she nods to My Throne.

Take Your seat, young King.

The words of the Far Ones in My mind still make Me shiver even now, and I see My Family smile; they knew They would make an appearance, knew They approved of My Choice.

My Mother lifts My Crown from My hands when I sit, and places it on My head.

Light and Shadow envelopes Me, and My Family’s Love surrounds Me.

Wings of Ash and Stone

This is a sort of sequel to this poem.


My wings are made of ash and stone
forged in fires long forgotten, held together
by magic found only in the Iron Hearted Realm.

I am draped in red, dressed in black, and My sword
is made of silver.  I stand tall, My wings behind Me, as
fire burns before Me.  There is silence from My Mentor,
from My Monsters, as magic flows through My veins.

I am the King of Sorrow, King of Nowhere.  In this moment,
I am fire and ash in human form, alighting all of Outer Darkness.
I have not fallen, but rather, I have given Freedom and Grace
to My People.  With My head high, magic flows through My wings
which do not burn, but harden, becoming stone once again.

Otherworld Shenanigans (A Rant Through Poetry)

[This is about both the Otherworld Drama that happened this Summer, and the ongoing fallout Over There.  Writing angry poetry is my way of coping with all this bullshit right now.]

You called Me a false King, a King of Nowhere.
Surrounded by gold and jewels, you said you would not
help Me; that I had betrayed everyone.  The final time I saw
My brothers they said nothing, only looked at Me with disgust
and pity.  When the doors of the Duat closed behind Me,
I knew I would never return to that isolated Kingdom.

And now it seems that ruining My name is more important
than peace between Kingdoms; the King of All Darkness has
walked away from your whispered words, and his Family
has follow suit.  We have Kingdoms to run and People
to care for, our actions and Love will speak for us.

My Kingdom is made of monsters and ghosts
and My Heart is now a ruined Garden, the woods
of Outer Darkness is My shelter and where I Reign
bearing a Crown of flowers without thorns.

Your smearing words are a ripple to begin a storm
and if this does not end soon, the wrath of
Those Who Dwell Beyond the Stars

will rain down upon you like
fire made of molten silver.