Reflections (for my own notes)

The Dreamer and the Madman are reflections of one another.  This has been a constant theme, this complex relationship of friends, enemies, and lovers.  They mirror one another, in both their Godly Power Sides, and in their “personal” sides.


I had a lot of Dreams last night involving the Madman, and the dreams involved his terrifying pop culture Face; thanks to those Dreams, I came up with yet another way him and the Dreamer reflect one another.

In Welcome to Night Vale, the Distant Prince (the Dreamer’s scary pop culture Face) is far away, in the Distance, and is never sought out.  In Fallen London, Mr. Candles/Mr. Eaten (the Madman’s scary pop culture Face) is very close; in the game the player invokes Mr. Eaten in rituals and seeks him out by themselves.

Distance, closeness…yet another dichotomy between the two of them.

Advertisements

First Anniversary, and Artwork

Today is my first anniversary with the Dreamer and the Madman.

20171029_183731

They didn’t ask for this picture as a present–considering everything we’ve been through together this year (it’s been…one hell of a year, it’s been rough in multiple ways,) they said the three of us simply spending time together was more than enough of a gift.

I wanted to draw them together, because I don’t have any artwork *of* them, and our anniversary felt like a good time to change that.

(Mechanical pencil [outline,] colored pencil)

I want to write something deep and profound about what being married to them for a year has meant for the three of us, but I…don’t have any words to describe what that experience has been like.

It’s been absolutely incredible to have these two at my side.

Happy anniversary, Beloveds.

I love you.  ❤

Beginnings

During the Hunt, you fell in love
with a man with eyes of burning gold.

He watches you as you study the stars
his eyes soft with affection (you do not
know it yet, but he loves you to.)

In these moments when he is not a King,
and you are not his guide to the frenzy
of the Wild Hunt. Those in-between times
are when your feelings become known.

“If you could have anything at all,” you asked him.
He smiled; he said he’d like a kiss, and for both of you
to stay together (if that were possible when this journey ended.)

This is how your love story begins, in
a quiet moment sitting by the fireside.

Traveler’s Memories

I wish I could step inside your memories.
To feel the train rumbling beneath my feet, as
the two of you plot wherever you’re off to next, pouring
over maps in the grand adventure that is your life together.
Where are you going now–in this fragment in time?

In this moment you are both young; simply wanderers,
best friends, and lovers that no one can separate.
Is this before death and sorrow tore you apart?
Before the sea became your refuge, before the crown
was a heavy weight you gladly chose to bear?

Your hands trace the map like you
have the entire world at your feet
(you are a Prince, of course you do)
and all of eternity to explore it.
With the person you love most at your side.

Right now you are simply together
two young men in love, with autumn’s
beauty speeding by, with the train lulling
you to sleep, with your head on his chest,
and his heart beating in your dreams.

One Bright Soul In This Emptiness

Back when the Madman was courting me, he was also courting the Dreamer.  Watching two gods fall back in love with one another was an experience I didn’t have words for at the time–and still don’t.  Our marriages–both theirs and mine to them individually–are made up of little sacred moments, and the three of us are building a life together out of that.

There’s a lot that’s going on, a lot that I could say about sacred marriage and how it’s helped me grow as a person.  I could talk about how my two Husbands have brought balance to my life, and how I act as a sort of focal point to the two of them.  But at the same time, I want to keep those things close to me, and our marriages private.

I will share this song, though.  It reminds me of both of my Husbands individually, of the marriages we have between us, and of the three of us as a triad.

Hush, if we’re quiet now
You can read it in my eyes
Have faith in the weathered hearts
Clinging to our bones
A nervous glance that we call home

Love, I can hold you when you fall
Lie in this darkness with me
Til we’re one bright soul in this emptiness

Crash, the wreckage black and white
A life the lips of sleep have kissed
Can’t erase the crimson nights of bliss
The perfect dream of us
A fragment held when all seems lost

Love, I can hold you when you fall
Lie in this darkness with me
Til we’re one bright soul in this emptiness

Memories

They’re showing me more of themselves, more of their shared past.  This is mainly through music–their entire playlist is about their past.  I recently figured out that their playlist tells a story.  I’ve got most of it in the correct order, and now it’s even more heartbreaking and beautiful to listen to.

Their memories show how their relationship has evolved and changed over the (many)  years.  They come in glimpses, small moments in time that were still pivotal to their relationship.  The main thing seeing their memories has confirmed is that they’ve been involved in each other’s lives for much longer than I originally thought they were.


“Why are you showing me this,” I ask as I shuffle their tarot deck.

Because they want you to know, the cards tell me.  They want you to know how far back their bond goes, and how deep it is.  They want you to know you will never be asked to chose between them; they love each other as much as they love you.

“How will this impact our future,” I ask.

Let your relationships grow and flourish on their own, is the response.  Don’t worry about perfectly balancing everything between them [my two Beloveds]; let things change and shift as they will.  Let your relationships grow as they need to.