Trip Around The Sun

It’s New Years in the Otherworlds today.

The public celebrations are going to be a party (as they are every year) with feasts, dancing, and spending time with Family and Friends.

My own Family’s private celebrations are going to be more somber, since we’ve been through hell this past year; it’s been very rough on all of us.

Our goal for the New Year is to leave all the awful things that happened behind, and embrace a better future.

Happy New Years, Everyone.

Puzzles (A Month for the Madman)

Within the past year, there’s been a lot of changes within my devotional life; the main one being going from dealing with recorded gods, to dealing with unrecorded gods.  One of the greatest challenges has been letting go of the impulse to ask “are you X, are you Y?” when finding a deity who kind of fits the description or associations of the unrecorded deities I deal with.

Back when the shift away from [the Madman’s touchstone name] happened, I had (mostly) let go of this with the Dreamer; that this other god was abandoning the name he’d initially given me as well was…unsettling, to say the least.  (The Dreamer’s twin sister, and his son, had also abandoned the names they’d given me.  For whatever reason—maybe because there was so little information on their touchstone names—this was less upsetting.)

The name the Madman has initially given me had fit a handful of his stories, with some major things being changed from the “canon” [touchstone name] version.  When the shift was happening, I began to jokingly call him “my AU (alternate universe) version of [touchstone name]” because the “my life is a fanfic” joke had expanded to include my entire devotional practice.

Except the “alternate universe version of [touchstone name]” has turned into less of a joke and more the truth, since the Realm my Beloveds are from is located in a universe that is separate from this one, but still connected because Otherworld Politics.

The Madman doesn’t occupy the exact same Otherworld Job as [touchstone name], but there’s enough resonance there that the name was useful at the start of our relationship.  He’s told me stories of how and why he went from using [touchstone name] in the Otherworld, to having a place in the Dreamer’s Realm as his Home.

The stories he tells me are fascinating, and sometime brain breaking because of Otherworld metaphysical stuff.  Often the stories come together in bits and pieces, symbols that suddenly show up that give me “this reminds me of you, but why?” feelings, and then they continue to make more sense over time.

Dealing with unrecorded gods is like putting a puzzle together.  It’s simultaneously frustrating and delightful, especially when I’ve finally Figured Something Out.

(…and a song that reminds me of the Madman suddenly started Making Sense in terms of my practice.  I see what you did there, Love.)

Resonance

Once there was nothing
behind your name, but
there is resonance now,
so soft, but I sense it.

Why now,
what’s brought
you back?

I can sense your brother’s
trembling hope, that you will stay,
and his Beloved’s worry, that you will not.

May
this not
end
in tears.

Let There Be Night

It’s been over a year now, since this happened.

Everything–*everything*–has changed within the past year. From the gods I deal with, to how I astral travel, to *where* I travel to, the holidays I celebrate…I could go on.

That Powerwolf song is still hilariously appropriate for my path (perhaps even more so now.) I didn’t post the English section of lyrics the first time, but here they are.

“Let there be night
God bless the Father, the Son

Let there be night
And day be gone

Let there be night
the Mass of Dark has begun

Let there be night
and damn the sun.”

Between Stars Unknown

He appeared to me last night in one of his pop culture guises, as Nahadoth, the Nightlord.

He spoke about how it’s not just him that’s changing, but his Family as well.  He’s spent the past few days pointing out how my understanding of his Family is *very* different than their “canon” Hats/Titles.

So my spiritual life is going into upheaval yet again.

That he chose to tell me this while looking like the Nightlord is significant to me.  Because yes, Nahadoth is a being of change and chaos–which is what my practice is getting thrown into.


The Dreamer: How did you describe yourself?

Varian: …as “a devotional mystic with pop culture influences.”

Varian: Why do you ask?

The Dreamer: *shifts into looking like Naha*

Varian: *does a double take*

Varian: What did you do that for?

The Dreamer: *drops the “my Family is also leaving their ‘canon’ Hats/Titles behind” bomb*

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Prince of Darkness and Light

Hope is not a fleeting thing for you,
(it is something you learned from all of us
you learned of hope along with magic)
my son, Prince of Darkness and Light.

Three jewels adorn your Crown
one for each of your fathers,
a legacy of love and royalty.

Step up, young Sovereign,
but not into destiny; into
Stars and Winter, that liminal
space between Land and Void.

Whether you walk the Sea or Sky
know that we love you, that there will always
be a place for you and yours in our Hearts.

Exhaustion

I thought I was Done before.

I am Even More Done now.

This drama now involves three Pantheons (the third Pantheon being the Gods that are a step above my Husbands in their Realm.)

This sucks, especially since all divination I’ve done is pointing to waiting until the Dreamer gets back to take action.

I understand why we need him to be with us when we get this whole Mess solved; this affects him deeply as well.  With his Job working the way it does in Summer, he can’t just say “there’s a Family emergency, I have to go.”


I’ve had my suspicions confirmed about all this blowing up when the Dreamer is gone being on purpose.

This isn’t any sort of Ordeal or trial, this is simply my so-called (deity) father being horrible to me and my Family, because he thinks it will make me go back to him and his Pantheon so I’ll fulfill my “destiny.”

There’s about a month and a half until the Dreamer returns.

I’m scared and exhausted.

I just want this to be over.