I spent some time with my f/Family over in Darkness for Winter’s Night, which was this past Saturday (December 21st.) I had a family party to go to Here, so I couldn’t stay at that level of bi-location for very long, but I did enjoy getting to spend some time with my oldest son, who I hadn’t seen in a while.
Speaking of Winter’s Sovereign, he was the one who gave the speech this year, instead of the High King. That’s an entire Otherworld Political Thing that my Spouse has a lot of Feelings over–Winter’s Sovereign was crowned as the Future King [link] last Winter’s Night, but him giving the speech this year was a way of formalizing his role as Crown Prince/Future King.
I didn’t get to spend as much time There as I wanted to, but it was still really nice to see everyone and hang out with my f/Family, even if I did have to be in Formal King Mode for part of it.
Today is New Years in Darkness, but it’s a somber day for me. The past few days have been filled with drama among my closest group of friends, and I learned that someone I considered one of my best friends was datamining my practice, and copying my experiences.
I woke up this morning feeling a hug from Jake, and got a download of my Other Self’s activities–He had lit a list of things on fire that He wanted to let go of, as is traditional, and He’d included [my “friend”‘s name] on that list.
I talked it over with Jake, and I did a version of the ritual Here that works with my limited sight. I wrote the list down, but instead of actual fire, I placed the list beneath the candle on my Queen’s shrine [I use electric candles for safety purposes.] I asked her to help me in burning the things I wish to let go of, and thanked her for being there for me through all the awfulness that the past few days have been.
I have some goals for the new year, and I might write about those another time. Right now I’m feeling sad at a friendship lost, but also glad I can leave it behind in the past.
With my children [link] being born nearly four weeks early, my fallow time is now over. It’s needed for me to be able to not only sense the twins, but to be able to travel Over There (when I have time/spoons) to be able to help out with raising them.
My deity Beloveds and I/Other Me not only have the support of the rest of the Royal Family, but Jake and Trev’s families are helping as well. I do have ways to spend time with them Here, which helps tremendously with the Overwhelm of emotion I’m experiencing about being a father now.
I don’t know how much (if anything) I’ll write about the twins in public, but I wanted to write a brief post about the major change in my life (I consider it a change in my life Here as well, because oh wow is being a father now–even if my children are in the Otherworlds–shifting my perspective on things.)
Today was the day we ran, you say to Me. It is the day we fled your Father, that King who was nothing but cruelty and his ego.
The Lantern is lit and laid at My feet. The white metal shimmers in the firelight, the candles flicker against the walls.
You are our King.
I pick up the Lantern and light the first candle, saying that we share our light. The iridescent flame flickers, turning the room into shimmering rainbows as the fire is passed from hand to hand. This action says that we are all equals; I may be King over this community, but we have all worked together to make this Home what it is.
I learned something today, and it means that part of my Otherworld woo has been confirmed as an Actual Royal Thing that happened, at least at one point in history.
It was weird enough when this happened when I worked with recorded deities. Since working with unrecorded deities (and an unrecorded Realm) it throws me for a loop even more to have parts of my practice confirmed by actual history Here on earth.
For the Underworld Lord, a reflection through his eyes on current Otherworld events
They say no one
holds a grudge like gods.
Ending life after life, in
quiet ways the Dead are
used and discarded.
I stand against this,
even if it means
taking my daughter
out of the sight of the public,
for she has not yet chosen
to be Royalty. I will never use
her as a bargaining chip in your
ever increasing damnation and
breaking of your subjects. My
roses must be tended to with
only gentle hands, and I
know you are a god of the broken–
even though you do the breaking, and nowhere in my Heart do I find that holy.
Petals unfurling as Winter flowers bloom,
evening walks by the sea through sandstone streets;
a new dawn rises, all is quiet, there is no storm
coming for us. Through the King, all is well,
even now we are learning to let go of fear.
I mentioned yesterday that I had a lace shawl [link] that I was working on–notice the past tense there, because I decided to tear it apart and use the yarn for something else. I had the shawl about a third of the way done, but I was no longer enjoying knitting it. It had gone from a fun–but challenging–project, to me thinking “okay, two more rows and I’ve done another body repeat…can I skip to adding the blue yarn, please?” It had been stuffed in the bottom of my knitting bag since September, and I’d realized that I wasn’t going to pick it back up any time soon.
As I began tearing it apart, I found myself thinking about my spiritual path–knitting is a form of meditation for me, if I’m not listening to music or a podcast while knitting, my mind tends to wander–and I found myself thinking of the path I used to walk. I’d had Family among that Pantheon, and even now the estrangement from my father and brothers hurt at times. I’d also had friends Here who’d followed that same Pantheon, and I miss them, but I’ve lost contact with them.
As I ripped the lace apart, I thought about Darkness, and how Free Will is one of the highest values in the Realm. I’d take then ruined Tower that my Family drama had caused, and used it to build something beautiful out of those ashes.