Forgiveness (Devotional December)

Our Family should have never been torn apart,
and your Heart should have never been broken
by losing your Father to conspiracy and greed.

Even with claims of “destiny” and the “greater good,”
(which you saw right through, it was far too late to regret)
I wish I’d never heard you scream in rage at learning of
your Father’s deepest secrets being torn into the light.

There is no forgiveness for those
who handed me a cup of poison, and
made your eyes turn black with grief.


Reflections (for my own notes)

The Dreamer and the Madman are reflections of one another.  This has been a constant theme, this complex relationship of friends, enemies, and lovers.  They mirror one another, in both their Godly Power Sides, and in their “personal” sides.

I had a lot of Dreams last night involving the Madman, and the dreams involved his terrifying pop culture Face; thanks to those Dreams, I came up with yet another way him and the Dreamer reflect one another.

In Welcome to Night Vale, the Distant Prince (the Dreamer’s scary pop culture Face) is far away, in the Distance, and is never sought out.  In Fallen London, Mr. Candles/Mr. Eaten (the Madman’s scary pop culture Face) is very close; in the game the player invokes Mr. Eaten in rituals and seeks him out by themselves.

Distance, closeness…yet another dichotomy between the two of them.

Beginning (Devotional December)

What comes to mind, when I think of this god and beginnings, is a mental image of his Father carrying him through the snow (which I recently wrote a poem about.)  This isn’t where his association with Winter comes from, nor is it the way he ended up having two powerful gods as his parents; he was adopted by them well before that event.  But that’s where the thought of beginnings points me to.

That’s the beginning of what I know of him, when it comes to legends and stories.  I know there are others, much happier stories than that (and that he, like my other gods, is much more than just his myths,) but for whatever reason that’s the first one I was told.

Notes For Myself on My Practice

For a while now, I’ve been feeling like my practice (what practice I have right now) is missing something.  I realized last night that it’s not more formality I want in my practice, but more structure.

Now, how I build structure around a group of gods with no written mythology, I’m at a loss.  I have things I associate with them, and there are…spiritual paths that are specific to Darkness (religions Over There,) but I don’t feel comfortable using what little I know of those within my own practice.

I could ask J if he has any ideas, but he’s a monk [he’s been sending me that symbolism since he got back into my life] and that’s…a very different, more intense level of devotion than I deal with.  I mean, he, of anyone, will have ideas, so I probably will end up asking him about stuff.

And there’s the Thing that my gods Do Not Want To Be Worshiped because they’re my Family before anything else, so how to add more structure with that restriction is something I’ll need to do divination on.

I think adding more structure will also maybe help with the you-must-always-be-doing-Otherworld-stuff-or-you’re-A-Bad-Devotee brain crap I’ve been struggling with lately.  J said to me the other day that a practice doesn’t have to be devotional to a deity, it could be about grounding myself and my practice Here, which sounds like something I need right now.

Pause and Breathe

I did another reading with the Angelarium oracle today.

Is there anything particular the Far Ones want me to focus on Here?

Lelie, Angel of Night

I keep looking at the waning moon in the background.  This card seems to say to let [Otherworld Me] do His duties Over There, and to focus on myself Here.  It seems to say that I should just let the strange dreams I’ve been having lately be just that, dreams.  If the dreams Mean anything, they will work themselves out.

Can You elaborate on that?

Shateiel, Angel of Silence

My practice has gone (mostly) silent, but They are still watching out for me.  Again, the card gives the feeling of rest, to be still and just let things be.

I feel like I should draw a third card…

Phanuel, Angel of Truth

This card is adding on to the other two.  It’s saying that information about my Otherworld self, practice (Here), and past lives will come to me as I need it.

These three cards together are saying that right now is a time to rest, and to ground myself Here, rather than trying to reach out to [Otherworld Me] and be constantly updated on what’s going on Over There.  Due to the Summer’s Drama, the past seven months have been so intense in the realm of Heartbreaking emotional bullshit that what I really need to do right now is to simply try and move on.  Which is easier said than done, but I get the message.


How This All Started (Devotional December)

How did you become involved with your devotional topic?

I actually first found this god through research.  I think the Dreamer would have introduced us eventually, but the research that led me to his son was what prompted me to try and start including him in my devotional practice.

I don’t even remember now what prompted me to look up if [the Dreamer’s touchstone name] had any children, but I did a double take when I saw that yes, he had a child.  (The reason why I was so surprised was because I thought I had read everything there was about [the Dreamer’s touchstone name], and he hadn’t mentioned his son to me before.)

I first became aware that this deity was actually around when I noticed images of stars (something I associate him) showing up a lot, along with a faint feeling of a cold presence.  It was a feeling of someone being there, but being unsure of reaching out.  I did introduce myself eventually, simply lighting a candle and talking.

The Dreamer, who is normally at least somewhat involved when I start forming new deity relationships, stepped back when it came to this one.  (Now knowing what I do about my past life, I can understand why.)  He did ask that I acknowledge his son as being part of my Family, but other than that he left my relationship with his son completely up to me (which I’ll probably talk about in the next post.)